It has been a long time... I've grown up. I'm 19 and nearly 20 now. I was around 16 the last time I posted here. I'm still as stressed as ever. My life is bad, but I've considered the fact that things have just moved on and I've passed the suicide tendencies. They have come back today, which is why I'm on this forum. But I've realized, I'm the only one that can help myself.. but with the help of encouragement of guys on these forums it does help. I'll tell you what has happened throughout life in the UK: Here's to no barriers I sometimes dream how life can be better and think of a quote by Shakespeare: "We know what we are but not what we may be" ~ Shakespeare Just maybe there is a hope for a brighter future and that's what keeps me going. I am also exercising in a park which I live near in nearly 31 degree heat everyday. If that doesn't keep my attention off reality, I don't know what does. But whatever the case, my families money securities turns out to be not so secure in this country. It is just as bad as the UK. Luckily my grandmother has a bit of money and she is willing to help out. But I want to do something for myself with the money I earned and worked so hard for, my family are with me on that and I've made sure I have let them know. I need to go to university for myself, I know this now. I need to leave behind being a loner and person who keeps to himself. I have the privilege of going to another country and experiencing another culture. I need to learn from this as I haven't in the past. But I really need this. I just hope nothing gets in the way like it usually has in the past. I may have slight suicidal tendencies but there could be worse, right? My eyes are tearing as I write this as I haven't accepted what has happened over the last few years. Maybe I'm in a coma, so if I am, I'm screaming now for someone to wake me and for this story to not be true. But this is life one day at a time for me now. So here's for the future right and here's for what I might be? :blub: But yeah I've survived, I've had plenty of good opportunities and decent excuses to commit suicide, I've even gone for it, hoping I would die without even knowing, but still I live here today. I don't know anything about my future to be honest. But it is what it is, and I'll take the future one day at a time. :/ Though I have to admit, I'm not completely satisfied yet with life. If I had money, I would be happy because my family would be happy. It is sad I'm coming to hate my own family and I don't know why. I'll try not to rant anymore but I hope there is someone out there reading and listening, because I've had enough of it all and at times I just can't take it anymore. I think I'll cry myself to sleep now, it seems appropriate.