Im on my way to a OD! :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Jul 27, 2011.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Something terrible has happened. Two nights ago the girl I love the most said I had nothing to worry about and that she wanted me for keeps. Well she's told me today she is now seeing somebody else! Turns out she loves us both the same except she didn't think we was going anywhere. She has realised how hurt I am and is telling me she loves me and wishes I was there with her. I've not slept or eaten anything in 40 hours. I'm so lonely and my depression has crept up on me and I'm half way through a box of pills. I'm not expecting to wake up when I do crash out. I fill all out at sea and nobody is going to rescue me :(
    I've told a friend and she has gone to sleep thinking I'm gonna be awake and alive in the morning well I'm sorry but as you would of gathered this truly was last chance saloon for me. I trusted her and worshipped her. Like Paul Weller once wrote 'Don't matter what I do it doesn't matter do, I end up hurting!' I feel extremely sick now and I'm accepting my fate. I hope somebody discovers my poem on this forums and is able to take courage from it. I've been depressed for so long this is the last straw I can not be second best anymore. I used to be a funny guy, Larry David, Matthew Perry are my idols but I've lost my appetite for comedy now. Kings of Leon's Pyro, Coldplay's Violet Hill and Simply Red's Holding back the years helped me cope through tough times but I can't cope without friends or love. I've tried telling people I'm on my lowest ebb but they don't listen.

    I'm a weak and soul less person. Sorry X
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, I'm sorry to hear what has happened. I know it hurts. But really, you deserve a girl who loves you as much as you love her. This girl seems to be doing mind games with you, and that's not nice.

    Do NOT take any more pills. Please, go to the hospital, call an ambulance or even call a crisis line right now. Know that lots of us here care about you and are worried.
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I feel like the bearer of bad news but in fact I am bad news! :(
    I can't tell if it's the hunger or the tablets making me feel like I want to throw up. Their is no point in anything if I bottle this attempt I'm going to feel even worse. Everybody here is asleep, I'm scared I could be asleep any second and nobody would know what I've done. Why does every girl do this?
    Never thought I'd go through with it but I am!! The spiritual world appeases me more then this one ever will. If only I had some alcohol at hand I could speed this whole fecking hell hole up. Keep your self strong, don't be seduced by the temptation of love or death x
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sweetie, go wake someone up and/or call an ambulance.

    You haven't met the girl who will be good to you yet...that doesn't mean she won't arrive. Give yourself the chance to meet her, but first, allow yourself to heal - from tonight and from this girl who's been playing with your heart.

    Please - call an ambulance, wake someone up and tell them you need help.
  5. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I can't do that. I'm so saddened by the people on this planet. Billy Joel is right we didn't start the fire, but we didn't put it out either. We're all burnt!

    If I had a cause for optimism it isn't the above. Nobody can cure this pain. I'm not worthy of any love :(
    I tried getting out of bed but I'm too ill :(
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Please call out as loudly as you can to your housemates.

    The world has lots of good people in it, too. Just look at all the kindness that happens around here on SF to give you optimism/hope.

    If you have the abilitey to care and be hurt, you can know what love is, and you can give it and receive it. I didn't know there were other requirements to be worthy of love. You ARE worthy of love. Right now you are in the middle of a bad time so you are seeing the possibilities that the future holds.

    So, yell for someone in the house to help you and give yourself another chance, OK? :arms:
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    What are the pills?

    You say you munched half a 'box' - I'm worried as that could mean anything from 16 pills to 50.

    I've sent my phone number to you also - if there is nobody else - phone me and I'll phone back right away.

    I cannot really make a big post - as you might be actually having this ex cry at your funeral.

    Are you drinking also?

    Anyhow - tell us what the pills are - maybe you are tolerant to it - maybe we can avoid hospital - but we need to know.

    you got to give us that one brother - people here care a lot about you - if you die - odds are others will actually be one step closer because we are all part of something here. It does mean a lot.

    Hope you can tell us what the pills are.

    Forget about trying to prove WHY you should die - we already know mate but you are so very mistaken.

    Please choose to live.
  8. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I'm touched by your support, your both so sweet.
    Well nobody loves me, they treat me so badly. I must be a monster.
    I lost count of how many I've took but I haven't eaten or slept in so long I may not need to keep count I will faint and not get up this time? My fingers feel numb and I'm shaking all over.

    I've got another hour in me I think. Thanks PLG I'd talk but Its talking that has left me in such a frail state of mind. People talk the talk but don't walk the walk. My heart aches so much. Why has she done this?! Wherever I end up next they can forget it if they expect me to be gentlemanly. The boy never gets the girl! Can anyboduy find me someone to love, this emptiness feeling is so hard to conquer. Sorry X
  9. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I hope you are on your way to getting help.

    If I could let the nearby hospitals and crisis teams near you know, I'd tell them it's URGENT that you stay safe and protected from causing yourself further harm. I know that you are suffering and really do want to die, but I hope you call for help. :hugtackles:

    In addition, that girl wasn't up front with you with the truth about how you all's relationship was going and what her problems with it were before she started a relationship with a new guy. Shame on her.
  10. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I don't want to start a fanfare mate. I'll like a low key exit. I genuinely thought she cared. She even said I was guilt tripping her :(
  11. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sweetie, right now she isn't the important one - YOU are. Please get some help. I'm worried about you. I don't want to find out tomorrow that you're never coming back. That's too sad and such a waste of you. You are a very warm and sincere person. Don't let this woman be the end of you. You are worth more than that. Get some help, right now - wake someone up, call an ambulance. Please?!
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please get yourself some help!! What Acy said is true, you're the one who's important, and we care about you and want you to get through this. We're all here to support you, so please reach out for some help!
  13. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I'm taking solace from these kind words. The sad thing is that we're all regulars here, to me it proves unless I do this I'm just going to be depressed forever. I can't stomach anymore pills, I'm trying hard to neck them down but it's hard. I don't need help just need a hug :(
    Their is nothing sacred in this world. Why? x
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Please wake someone.
    At the moment every emotion is raw, but when you have time to digest whats happened and time to grieve, you will see things in a completely different light.
    So please please please WAKE SOMEONE!
  15. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    If you were right here beside me, I'd happily give you more than an emoticon, but here's the best I can do for now: :arms: :hug:

    Some of the regulars here know that the bad times pass and so we stay on to help others through their bad times. It doesn't mean that the depression never goes away.

    Please, get some help.
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    A lot of us have been here for a while, but that doesn't mean you're going to be depressed or feel this way forever. We all have different reasons for being here.

    Please, get some help!!! :hug:
  17. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Imagine theirs no heaven or hell below'
    I've had 21 years to think this through, it's not a rash decision. My heart has been strung along barbed wire and no wise words will stop the bleeding. x
  18. Lost_Dashite

    Lost_Dashite Senior Member

    Please get some help *hug you're worth it.
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know there are no magic words we can say right now to stop the pain. I know it hurts, and when you're in this much pain, it's hard to see past it. But not everyone will hurt you, not everyone will do these same things to you. Just please, give yourself another chance!
  20. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I'm cursed. I can't reply to PM's on my mobile :( but I'm about to enter double figures I think. Where I feel so empty and hungry I can't tell the difference to if I'm ill or not. I can taste the pills in my tears! :(
    I can't wake people up who don't care. I'm seeing your view that live is worth living but then they wouldn't of dedicated a forum to suicide it's a bit like hanging on a tree and waiting to fall. :( x
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