Im on the path to self distruction

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by martyjess, Dec 3, 2006.

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  1. martyjess

    martyjess New Member

    I just don't know what to do anymore iv been seriously depressed since i was 9 and even though i struggle so much and have lived with all the symtoms and suicidal thoughts iv always kept it to myself and my doctor no1 relises im not happy its soo easy to put on that big fake smile and pretend everythings fine every1 thought i wuz the happyist boy about "so frienndly" "always has a smile" blah blah blah but i feel so bad inside but thie thing is i font know who i rli am i ly and fake to make it easy all every1 sees is the happy slutty old me but thats it it isn't me and its just breaking me apart pulling me in the path off self distruction iv had 3 breakdowns and this is my 4th i took 2 overdoses within 48 hours an feel sooo bad all the time i hate this sooo much for me the only way out rli is death iv tryed and tryed i even thaught i wuz getting somewhere but im not im rli not im not the sort of guy who just bursts into tears butt seen aas this is the first time iv really said this to any1 i feel my eyes welling up I JUST DONT KNOW WHY I NEVER HAVE A SUCCESSFUL SUICIDE ATTEMPT I DONT ASK FOR HELP AT THAT POINT I SERIOUSLY NEED TO DIE CANT live like this anymore iv planned the next attempt and this time theres no way im staying here in this fake life it just isn't me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
     
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Marty so sorry to hear you've been in so much pain for so long,It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination going through breakdown after breakdown.And putting on that dreaded mask is hard also,what are the main thing's that upset you?If there is anything in particular,I understand you can get depressed just like that please tell I do care.
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Maybe it is time for the mask to come off and for you to let your doc and a few others know what is really going on. Constantly pretending is so hard and it really solves nothing. It makes everything worse in the end. I know how difficult it can be to ask for help. Please take care of yourself hun. :hug:
     
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