I'm on the verge of sceaming.

[ConfusedSilence]

Had a french exam today which didn't go brilliantly or badly, however, the prospect of never having to do french again was a very happy idea for me. I've been toying with the idea of talking to my guidance teacher about how I feel awful and asking him to help me cope with it or something. By toying, I mean I'd been going to his office and thinking what I'd say if I went in. I wasn't being cowardly, I was easing myself into the water because I'm not a very courageous person.

Anyway, after I had finished my exam and given some books back to my english teacher (who was very smiley, which I think helped) I decided that I should take advantage of my happy mood and just go see my guidance teacher (plus, the last couple of nights have been horrific for me).

So I walked around my entire school three times, working up the courage to just go and see him, then stood outside his office for 25 minutes while people passed me wondering why I was talking to myself like a complete nutjob.

Finally, I bit the bullet. I knew exactly what I was going to say. I was going to ask him if he was busy, if he said no then I'd ask to talk to him, if he said yes then I'd say it wasn't important and know that at least I had the courage to go and see him. I knocked on the door and pulled the handle. It was locked and nobody was there. I was about to go home and cry then just went straight to the secretaries' office to ask if they knew where he was. He's on a course and he wont be back for two days.

He wasn't even in the school. HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE SCHOOL! I SPENT AN HOUR AND A HALF WORKING UP THE COURAGE TO GO AND TALK TO HIM AND HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE SCHOOL.

I'm so angry and I feel disgusting and ugly and stupid for even going and my good mood is completely gone. And my back hurts from walking so much.

 

[dazzle11215]

hey i'm sorry that happened
you were very brave
hopefully you will be brave again when he gets back.

 

[Julia-C]

Oh, that is so frustrating. I know what it's like to spend so much time building up the courage to talk to someone and then to find out you can't for one reason or another.

One thing is for certain, you don't need to beat yourself up over this. You are not disgusting, you are not stupid, you are not ugly. The reason you think so is because you are angry, but you have no reason to be angry, just disappointed.

You will have another opportunity. You obviously need to talk, and want to talk, so the next time you have the opportunity it will be much easier to have the courage to approach him. Until then I am sure many here are would like you to talk to them if you need to. You can always talk to me. If you need to click here to send me a message. I will be more then happy to listen and give you feedback.

:hug: to you

 

[ConfusedSilence]

Thanks you guys.

I'm okay right now, but I might take you up on that offer later, Julia, if thats okay. :')

 

[Green.Triceratops]

Nothing wrong with a little screaming just go outside where the cars noise can drown it out or to an open area or something. Definitely not inside lol.

Sorry i'm not much of a help but there really is no problem with screaming, especially if you're a quiet person.

 

[ConfusedSilence]

I went again today. He's taken the day off.

I did scream this time.