I don't know where to start. Maybe it's because I dropped out of school and I haven't got my GED yet and I still can't drive. Maybe it's because I have no friends and I've never had a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I want to be loved so badly. I've suffered from severe depression and bi polar disorder since I was 12. I've been cutting and burning my skin myself since I was 12. I have never been overweight but I'm not thin and I make myself throw up. Everytime I masturbate I feel disgusting and shameful after. My mother is my best friend but she's an alocohlic and I don't see her much. I miss her every second. I'm torn because if I commit suicide I know she will too. I love her so much but I hate seeing her slowly kill herself. I'm tired of feeling lonely, depressed, sad, angry, and suicidal. I'm ready to write my suicide notes and end it all within the next 24 hours. I have no way of being in a hospital for help because I have a new job that I cannot lose. I'm done. I'm tired. I want to go away. I have no one to talk to so I am on here seeing if someone can give me a reason to live.