I'm only 19 but....

[rain21]

I feel like my life is over. I was bullied throughout middle school and high school, and the only thing that got me through that experience was the hope that my future would be better. I worked my a** off and got great grades...but I can't afford to go to college. My parents make too much for financial aid and they refuse to cosign a loan for me. I look at the facebook profiles of all of the people who bullied me, and they're away at college having fun. They win, I lose.

I'm also very unattractive...my parents never paid for braces and the rest of me doesn't look good either. The only guys I attract are creeps who think I'm easy because I have low self-esteem. I can't make eye contact with people. I can't smile because of my teeth. I can't have fun, or get a well-paying job because of the way I look.

I'm losing the few friends I made in high school. They're away at college and I'm stuck in the same town and routine. I wish I could make new friends but I'm really shy so it's hard to do that without being in class with anyone. Soon all of my old friends will have new college friends and degrees and I'll still be stuck here, in the same sh*tty town, still working a sh*tty job.

I'm not sure what else I should do. I didn't kill myself when I was younger because I thought I had a better future, but now the future is here and I have nothing going for me. I don't want to be 30 wishing I had killed myself now. I'm not sure what's left for me.
:confused:

 

[Speedy]

Welcome, Rain :hug: I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I have problems with eye contact too and I can relate to that part. However, I can only begin to imagine what you're going through. My thoughts are with you. Thinking the best for you....Mr. A

 

[total eclipse]

Hun go to the school see what grants there are there ask financial person at your school how to apply for assistance hun there are awards given out each year noone applies to look into them as well. Get apart time job okay see if you can save enough even just for tuition hun I hope you can get some help hun hugs

 

[rain21]

Thank you Mr. Alex.

I have tried to get financial aid. I applied to two schools my senior year. From the private school I got about 20k in aid...but that still left 20k unaccounted for. I applied to a private school and only got a few thousand, since it's public. That still left 17-20k for me to pay.
My parents make about 80K-90K a year. I'm not going to get any more financial aid than that. I can't file independently from them until I'm 24. So I'll be around 30 before I get my degree.
I do have a part-time job as a file clerk. I make about 600 dollars a month. If I got a full-time job, I wouldn't be able to stay on my parents' insurance, and any extra money I would make would go towards health care.
Thanks for the suggestions though.

 

[Speedy]

Dang. :hug: Well, I hope something comes up that helps you get a degree sooner. Also, have you considered attending a community college? With care...Mr. A

 

[rain21]

Yeah, I got 27 college credits at a CC for free though my high school. Problem is, I was on the path to transfer them to a university. Now that I can't afford to transfer, the next step would be to get a stand-alone associate's degree, which would require a whole new set of courses. So all of that work I did before would be worthless.
Plus, none of the programs at my CC interest me...at all. And even if I got one, the economy is bad and I'd be competing with bachelor degree graduates. I feel like I can't win either way.

 

[Speedy]

I understand; I didn't think of the credits not transferring. Was just thinking that perhaps it's something worth looking into since it's more affordable (perhaps your parents will cosign a loan or help pay for it?) and you don't have to wait till you're 30 to graduate. :hug:

 

[Acy]

That's a rough go when it's obvious you would appreciate the chance to continue your education and you feel "stuck."

I'm just going to toss out ideas here without knowing how feasible they are for you...

Is there a local community college? If you cannot attend full time, maybe take some evening courses. There are also lots of colleges/universities that offer online or distance learning courses, which are sometimes less expensive, too. And sometimes done at your own pace. The online or distance learning might not give you the "social benefits" of going to college, but at least you get started on the education part.

Meeting people...Perhaps volunteer at an organization that is related to a personal interest/career hopes. As a volunteer, you will be valued for yourself, your efforts, and your time. You will meet others who share your interest.

Jobs...Take something (maybe anything) for now. It's experience and shows that you're ready and willing to make your own way, which will always give you a positive edge in the world. It adds to your résumé, and the manager might give you a letter of reference (for college or for a better job).

If you are living with your parents, you might be able to save some money and go away to college later. And if you do online or distance courses, you will have credits to transfer.

This will sound trite, and I apologize in advance. I'm "old." My sister's kids are in their twenties. Something I've learned about young people that I wished I had known when I was young - there is a beauty and energy in youthfulness that is simply "there." You are already good looking, no matter what you think of yourself. I never once in the years I watched my sister's kids growing up thought they or even a single one of their friends was "unattractive." Just being in your teens and twenties gives you a glow and attractiveness that you probably can't see yourself. (The rest of the world sees it. )

Your teeth. A friend of mine in her late thirties had braces for the last two years and just got them removed. It won't be too late if you do it a few years down the road if you still think you need them.

I wish you all kinds of good luck and happy times. Stay safe, OK?

 

[rain21]

I know people get braces when they're older but...These are supposed to be the best years of my life. I'd like to be pretty now. :/ And trust me, I'm ugly. I'd post a picture but I don't want anyone to recognize me.

 

[rain21]

Volunteering would be good but I can't drive so I'd have to rely on the public transportation system, but I technically live in a suburb so the bus schedule out here is terrible.

 

[rain21]

Sorry guys, I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to find a solution. I hope I'm not coming off as difficult or anything. I appreciate the responses a lot.

 

[Speedy]

Sorry guys, I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to find a solution. I hope I'm not coming off as difficult or anything. I appreciate the responses a lot.

It's no problem!

The more you tell us about your situation, the more others will have to say about it and analyze to see if they have any suggestions or words of support for you! :hug:

 

[Acy]

You're not coming across as difficult or argumentative. You're struggling with a lot of feelings, ideas, and concerns.

Ouch for all the new info you've given. Even an associate degree is something. Take courses that can be transferred - maybe some of the things that would be electives in your degree program eventually.

For the bus issue, sounds like maybe you just have to make the best of a bad lot and volunteer for only weekend and daytime events that fit the bus schedule. Inconvenient maybe, so that leaves you with the question...is the payoff (doing interesting things, meeting people) worth it to you?

I understand that you feel you aren't attractive and that your teeth need braces - today. Between you and me...we don't feel our best or feel like "liking" ourselves when we're down. And you are feeling down/depressed atm. I really meant what I said about young people all having that particular glow and "something" - I wish someone could have told me about it when I was young, because I sure felt less than pretty sometimes when I was in my teens, early twenties. But that special beauty is there. Trust me, you're prettier than you think.

The financial issue is a stumper. I'll think about it and see if I can come up with any more ideas.

Wishing you well...:hug: