i'm only alive for my dogs

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theleastofthese, Feb 7, 2009.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    my kids don't need me, or don't want me, and i sure don't want myself. i'm a fucking loser and a drunk and i fuck up everything i touch. if it weren't for my dogs i'd have blown my brains out long ago. i hate myself and my miserable useless life. i only stay alive for my dogs. everything else stinks, including my kids. some don't need me anymore and the others don't want me. i don't care. i'm hanging on for my dogs and the rest of the world, including my family, can just fuck off. nothing will get any better it will only get worse. im a miserable failure and i hate myself.
  2. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    so am i :(
    (((( leastofthese ))))
  3. Seerbrum

    Seerbrum Well-Known Member

    Take it from a loving son whom has given his parents more shit then he actually worth.

    No matter what they say, no matter what they do, in the end They love you. And always will.

    You want to be apart of their lives, that says something about you as a parent. They... might not need you anymore, it's a sad truth every parent must face.

    I've had to luxury of having two parents my entire life. They did their best, I'm just broken (but enough about me). Most children, most people don't, they get stuck with a bad one, or worse two bad ones.

    Give it time my friend, your kids will come around.

    (Short story, I use to loathe my mother, she's done a lot of fucked up things in her life. She nearly destroyed our home, she left her first three kids to live with their grandparents while she ran off to do drugs at college. We all hated her at one point... then she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. All of us, from my eldest brother who REMEMBERS being left, to me, realized that she was just human, she made mistakes... but we still LOVED her with all our hearts. She isn't with us anymore, sad it took her dying to see how strong the binds of love are. You don't want your kids to experience that, let'em hate you, because one day they'll look back, they'll call and the first words out of their mouths will be "I love you".)

    I hope that helped. And your dogs love you too.
  4. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I use to hate my parents based on things that went on in my chikdhood but now I realise they just had issues themselves and they do care about me, now I want to get revenge on people who may have fucked up my parents in some way and fucked me up, I feel bad for my parents more and more because now I am fucked and a burden, I want to murder the people who led me to this shape, my parents didn't deserve this

    When it comes down to it I think your family is the only people who give a shit about you in this cruel corrupt world wether they show it or not
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I as a son treated my parents like shit because of things that happened when I was younger, and then they kicked me out on the streets when I was seventeen. They took my car and sold it,so I lost my job because I had no transportation.
    Two years ago I sat down with my dad and buried the hatchet between us. Him and mom are up there in years and I didn't want them to die thinking I hated them. Now we get along fine(Granted we don't see each other much). We always hug each other and tell each other that we love one another when we do get together.
    My point is someone has to take that first step and sit down and talk!! Once you clear the air it is a big load off your shoulders. I hope this can happen for you!!!~Joseph~
  6. subterranean

    subterranean Member

    yes... sit down and talk is a good advice! and I reckon Stranger1 doesn't mean sit down and talk to the dogs.

  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    last night i got stinking drunk and passed out. woke up too early out of strange disturbing dreams. i just now forced myself to eat something. i had to make myself eat cause i don't feel i deserve to eat. i feel i don't deserve to even take up space or breathe. can't talk to my kids cause i don't think they care or if they do, i don't want to burden them with my own shit. i haven't felt so depressed in a while and it feels like it will never end. i can't kill myself cause i won't abandon my dogs - the only reason i'm still living. i stil believe in god but don't think he believes in me.:sad:
  8. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry that you feel this way at the moment.

    Take your dogs out for a run and enjoy yourself. Try drinking less, it makes everything worse.

    Don't give up hope. Your kids surely don't hate you. What makes you think they do?

  9. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: get some fresh air,
    by the sounds of it, you need to get out of the house
    and maybe have a good old cry.
    go have fun with your dogs
    and then think about your family.
    do you want to die without knowing how much you loved them??
  10. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    Life sucks..period...
    DOGS RULE..They always LOVE YOU:biggrin:
    Heaven will have DOGS, if if doesn't then it isn't heaven.
    They are the most honest creatures on the planet. Well, next to the arrogant cat.:dry:
    I wish you well. You must do something right..
    At least the dogs LOVE you.
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sooz hun, I know things have been so very rough this past year. You made such great strides and are now facing setbacks leaving you feeling horrible about yourself. Your kids and grandkids do need you whether they show it or not. I am glad you have your dogs so you are at least holding on. You have a purpose. A reason to exist. The dogs are not the only things that love you. You have a circle of people here that do as well. I know you can't live for us. You have to live for you. You are a terrific person with compassion and wisdom to share. You exhibit this in the love for your animals. Give yourself some of that love. :hug:
  12. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I feel so desperate and depressed and every negative feeling there is. now daughter will hate me cause i'm going to take her childhood friend to court to make her pay what she owes me. I am so deeply in debt don't think I'll ever get out. And I owe a personal friend a large sum of money and can't pay her yet and feel like shit over it. things have never been so bad. i so badly wish i could kill myself bt cant abandon my dogs, so have to stay in this miiserable existance. i hate myself i am a waste of space and oxygen god made a huge mistake when he made me:sad:
  13. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    you are not a mistake. you are being very hard on yourself.....

    no matter what - your kids love you. and. you love THEM. that alone, is a reason to hang on - it is not always the love we 'get', it is also, the love we GIVE. look at your unconditional love of your dogs - and theirs for you.

    that is a not a small reason to live- it is not just a 'dog(s' . .. it is the LOVE you have for them. . love is the greatest power in the universe.

    while you are feeling like this - keep coming here - and keep listening to all the good things people say to you and about you - listen to us - not to your 'tapes' in your head. . . those negative self-messages are LIES. now we all care very much about you. . some of us know you better than others - but we all stick together here and we are going to stick with you! :hug:
  14. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    it just gets worse and worse. every day is worse than the one before. i want so badly to stop drinking but the withdrawals are killing me. i'm drinking little bits just to stave off the withdrawals. i am SUCH A LOSER. the world would be better off without me, but i can't leave my dogs. :sad:
  15. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    :hug: alcohol is one hell of a way to deal with stress.

    :) You can do it. I believe in you.

    And money's just a dick in the head. I'm sure your daughter will realize that. Don't worry about money.

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