I'm only happy in my dreams

[Jade1]

Hi,
I go from one extreme to the other. A year ago, even six months ago (and most of my public life) I am outgoing, confident, fit, happy, joyous. Not only outwardly, but it's how I feel. Maybe even manic?
Then I gained weight. This summer I debated suicide every day. (mod edit:method)
Now I prefer to sleep. I don't want to see my friends. I don't want to go to school, talk to people, or do any of the things that I need to do (pay bills, taxes, properly move into my house). I can't focus, I barely shower. I stay up all night and tell myself I am going to accomplish all the things that I need to in the morning. Then I sleep through the morning.
I dream, and I prefer my dreams. I'm happy in my dreams. I don't want to jump off a tall building. I don't want to leave this world, I want to stay...but only in my dreams.
I'm afraid that I am going to shut down completely.

 

[jimk]

Hello Jade1.. i deleted a little of your post when you mentioned a method of suicide.. that is not allowed on here..

you seem to be going thru a huge bout with severe depression.. do you now have any professional mental health help???? do not say this likely as i have done without and with and i highly reccomend the 2nd path.. depression can sometimes really be helped with talk therapy and medication..

the brief today i am going to reform and get it all done which ends up as usual not getting started with the daily resolutions.. the up all nigth and daytime comes and have no energy to do anythign enthusiastically which is beneficial..

been there did that forever.. not even a particle of fun in all of that.. take a look at the depression forum on here.. see if the posts and replies strike a chord in what you are going thru now.. if yes then maybe a post of your own there in that forum.. depression can be tackled with some help and baby steps in a good direction to start with.. overcoming the feet stuck in concrete being is a matter of taking the first step.. the next steps come a little easier..

now that you are a member and started talking here , i hope you continue.. lots of other people here have gone thru similar things and some have gotten to better places now.. we love to help others do the same.. tc, Jim

 

[Mr Stewart]

Hi Jade, welcome to the forums. Sounds like you're having a tough time right now. Something I have done for safety when acute depression takes hold is add my local crisis line number to my cell phone contacts list. I have never called them but I take some degree of comfort in knowing I have that number on my phone if I need it. Maybe do this, too? You don't need to call them, just put that number in your contacts.