Hi, I go from one extreme to the other. A year ago, even six months ago (and most of my public life) I am outgoing, confident, fit, happy, joyous. Not only outwardly, but it's how I feel. Maybe even manic? Then I gained weight. This summer I debated suicide every day. (mod edit:method) Now I prefer to sleep. I don't want to see my friends. I don't want to go to school, talk to people, or do any of the things that I need to do (pay bills, taxes, properly move into my house). I can't focus, I barely shower. I stay up all night and tell myself I am going to accomplish all the things that I need to in the morning. Then I sleep through the morning. I dream, and I prefer my dreams. I'm happy in my dreams. I don't want to jump off a tall building. I don't want to leave this world, I want to stay...but only in my dreams. I'm afraid that I am going to shut down completely.