I'm only here because I can't talk to my friends or family

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Anonymous1452, Jun 19, 2011.

  1. Anonymous1452

    Anonymous1452 Member

    which isn't meant to sound ungrateful, but I don't like people I know thinking I'm not ok, which is why I don't talk. Even though pretty much everyone who knows me knows something is 'wrong'. I cried myself to sleep lastnight and i dont know why, partly because i was offmyface wasted but partly because there is nothing wrong. That and I don't like to whinge about how 'shitty my life is meh meh meh' when it isn't, because if someone said that to me I'd tell them the same thing I tell myself which is that something has to happen for something to be wrong. Which I've been told is a sign of depression etc but be honest, what's the point of counselling if it isn't to find what's wrong and fix it? Now I don't really know what to say lol. Srry for ranting. That went on more than I thought it would.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HI hun great place here to vent to let go of some of those tears and sadness. For depression nothing has to be wrong hun it could be just chemical imbalance and that is easily fixed with meds. I am glad you have somewhere you can come to now to be free to just vent knowing no one will judge you hugs
     
  3. Anonymous1452

    Anonymous1452 Member

    I don't feel sad, I just wish it was all over. And it's not about people judging
    me, it's about people not interfering.
     
  4. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    When I was first diagnosed with chronic depression I begged my mom not to tell anyone. She told everyone, and I mean EVERYONE. I think a lot of people flat out don't know what depression is or anything about it - I had people looking at me like I was a ticking time bomb about to go off. They would avoid me at family gatherings and neighborhood parties. I was whispered about and pointed at. I was absolutely devastated my mother would do something like this. She would never let me tell anyone if she had any type of mental health issue!

    Then one day she woke up and decided she just didn't know how to live with a daughter that has depression. She made it all about her. I think by telling people about my condition she was gaining sympathy for herself. She never talked to me about it or tried to understand. She's the one who forced me to go to a psychiatrist in the first place. She didn't ask me if I wanted or needed help, she made me go. And they put me on antidepressants.

    So yes, I felt better afterward but the awkwardness of people knowing never went away. To this day she still goes on about how she doesn't know what to do or say and etc. etc. etc. She totally ignores the fact SHE has mental health issues too. Her mother had mental health issues and someone told her it can skip a generation, so she totally believes there's absolutely nothing wrong with her, that I got my depression from my grandmother. Yeah right.

    I very rarely if ever tell anyone I have depression or anything about it except for my husband. I rarely see my family anymore because they still act like I'm some sort of freak. They all have their own issues (substance abuse, etc.) but I'm the one who's SICK. It's almost laughable.

    I have had an extremely strained relationship with my parents since I was diagnosed and it was well over 20 years ago. Things weren't too great before that but of course it's all my fault/problem/issue/whatever. I can't talk to my family about it. I haven't told anyone about it in years except for my husband and I can't hide it from him - nor do I have to. He is the most understanding person I've ever met...because he has it too.

    :ghost:
     
  5. April

    April Member

    Mental illness and especially depression in incredibly stigmatized yet common. Worldwide, 1 in 10 people will experience depression at sometime in their lives yet its seen by people who have never experienced it as something alienating and unreal. They never what its like till they suffer themselves and actually ACKNOWLEDGE IT!! Its not like a cold or an ache that will go away if you ust ignore it. Its more like a cancer, it can be benign (or relativly), it can destory lives or it can be survived.

    you want to talk to people with experience dealing with their own shit then rant away anon 1452. But please dont tell me that you dont want people in 'interfere'. Please dont try anything stupid. It never works out the way its planned. If any of your mates start trying to help, dont push them away and dont isolate yourself. It may sound like stupid advice but I've seen it happen again and again and im just as guilty of doing it. If there is nothing 'wrong' at the moment then your depression could be clinical. See a GP or family doctor and explain these feelings. It'll exhaust you but you can ask for referals to counsellers or ADs or whatever you think might be helpful to you. If its your first time seeing anyone professionally about this then please dont be upset if they seem odd, they always do the first time.

    Spooky, your mother sounds like a complete mare and deserves a right slap. Shes clearly attention seeking and doesnt deserve your trust or confidence. She may be your mam, be she sounds like a sh*t mam. She can ignore her mental illness (or sheer mentalness) but it wont save her from it anymore than ignoring a tumor makes it go away. You are better than her and her drama. You have recognised where you need help and taken action to it. Shes just gone around like a gossipy old hag, spewing spite at whatever she can be attention.

    Btw, there is a sweet article about one particularly cheery persons depression that ends with his view of the matter forever altered: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/mental_health/article6925762.ece