I'm out of happy thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fuloqwam, Apr 23, 2011.

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  1. Fuloqwam

    Fuloqwam Member

    I'll try to keep this brief. I've wanted to end it all for about 5 years now, but I held off, either out of fear or under the mantle of "it'll get better."

    Now, my life isn't hell. I'm healthy, young, financially secure; but I'm incredibly empty. I haven't had any physical contact other than handshakes in over a year. I don't have any family, never had a girlfriend (I'm 26), no friends, hate my job.... and it's been this way for years. I guess I'm just lonely, and unfortunately, I suffer from an anxiety disorder that makes it very difficult for me talk to people.

    Sooooo... I guess I'm wondering if anybody can think of a reason for me to keep going, 'cause I sure can't. If I were to kill myself, I'd have done it after YEARS of consideration and reflection, and I believe I would just be sparing myself a lot of heartache. I have some cash; I would make arrangements for that to go to a worthy charity. I think I'd be doing a lot of good by dying.

    The point is that I've thought a lot about this. I take great comfort in the knowledge that this doesn't have to go on forever, and the idea of going on 'till I'm 30 is something that scares the crap outta me. I've thought about it, I've weighed the options; and I see suicide as the only logical course of action.

    But, I would like to know the touch of a woman.... so I'll take a way out if I can find one, but I can't on my own.

    Sorry... that's asking a lot of people who don't know me, but nobody really does. And I know you guys are probably dealing with some crazy **** that I couldn't possibly comprehend. But I really don't see why I should have to continue to drink myself to sleep every night, so I just thought I"d give it one last try.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it's 3AM here so I am of few words, but wanted to welcome you and to let you know that there are ppl here who understand what you have written...I found that I needed to find 'meaning' in more simple things...and to understand ppl one at a time...glad you found us and thanks for sharing...to be continued when more grey cells are available, but for now welcome and please continue to share with us, J
     
  3. Fuloqwam

    Fuloqwam Member

    Thanks, Sadeyes. That's the nicest autopost I've ever gotten....

    whatever.... I'm not picky, I'll take it.

    No, seriously. I actually am really grateful for the effort put into this forum. Thank you.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi glad you are posting You see you are not alone now okay You anxiety is it being treated have you ask your doc to get you on meds that will decrease the anxiety and help you be more outgoing Have you tried therapy it helps. Trying new activities once you go your anxiety in check help you meet new people ones with your own interest Keep posting okay make friends here you can pm me anytime i do understand hugs to yo u
     
  5. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    Try your best to focus on the positive in your life, being young healthy and finacially secure I'm sure there is more. I understand you being alone not having a family and lacking the social aspect of not having a gf or true friends for years is bleak and doesn't feel good. These things many people take for granted.
     
  6. Fuloqwam

    Fuloqwam Member

    Thanks guys. I really appreciate the advice. I haven't tried talking to an MD about possible medication for anxiety. I've got some time off coming up in about a week, I'll look into it then. Thanks again.
     
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