im overwhelmed by thoughts of dying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by exnurse, Dec 9, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. exnurse

    exnurse Active Member

    the days just seem to go as quick as a flash, as soon as im alone, the thoughts come back, im not affraid of dying anymore as i have been close with the od that i took two months ago. every day i think i could do it easy, no problem, then i start to get the feelings of guilt, about how my family would feel, etc etc but i feel that everyone would probably be better off without me jinxing their lives. everything goes wrong for me nothing is even a little bit easy, my life is so full of what ifs, and i shouldve done that instead, my whole life seems to have been once train wreck to another, this last six years topping off a life full of mistakes and wrong turns nothing it seems is going to get any better for me only worse!!! and the thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis, i could so easy end it all
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not alone now hun YOu have us here to talk to we are listening Your parents would have so much pain hun if you left them it never ends really You stay here with us okay and meet new people new friends hugs
     
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    it's easy to say "what if" and see yourself as having taken wrong turns. we don't really know what those other paths would have lead to though. not necessarily a better place. I've done the "what if" thing myself, sometimes I still do, but mostly I'm aware that the path that I took could end up being the best possible path.
     
  4. exnurse

    exnurse Active Member

    iv got more than just parents in my family, i have two grown up sons and 2 grandchildre, am ithe oldest on this site, i 52 it seems everyone goes to college and a 13 year old was in the chat room the other night i dont feel old, i still feel like i did years ago when i was with my mick, maybe cos that was when i was happiest. the years since he passd and flown by my depression has got worse and the pills i take dont make me feel any better, the insomnia i suffer for the first few of these years is now under control as i take night meds, i collect my meds and when they are changed, i keep the old lot because one day when i can no longer take more kicks in the teeth, i know that my death will be in my hands the last thing that i will be ableto control in this uncontrollable so called life
     
  5. exnurse

    exnurse Active Member


    thanks will take a look at google
     
  6. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    No, you're not the oldest here, I'm nearly 55. I didn't complete college.

    I really hope you'll consider the feelings of your children and precious grandchildren. It devastates the ones left behind, take a look around this site and some of the posts by people who had a close relative commit suicide. Then there's the statistic that those who lost someone close to suicide , are something like 8 times (correct me if wrong) more likely to commit suicide themselves.

    Please stick around here and keep posting. I care, and have found encouragement and support from people who really know what I'm going through.
     
  7. exnurse

    exnurse Active Member

    thank you i do think of my family that is why im still here i think but actually dealing with the thoughts i sometimes find very hard almost compelling, i must have felt like that the night i took the od as i have always said i dont want to hurt my family, the thoughts in my head though, telling me to do it are sometimes quite overwhelming - i no if i had no family i would deffo do it
     
  8. lostbutterfly

    lostbutterfly Member

    I feel the same way... I feel like the only thing that is stopping me are my girls, and at this point I am not even sure that they are even going to be able to prevent me from doing it, or at least trying it, in the end. I feel like I am so full of hurt and pain that it is overwhelming to me and that I cannot possibly deal with it anymore. I feel like it hurts me even more to know that I do have my girls and I cannot be there for them like I want because of my pain and depression... they are older now, 17 and 19, but I still feel like I need to be there for them, but I am not able to because of all this and how I feel.
    It is the worst feeling in the world, wanting to die. I am not really afraid of the dieing part, just the unknown part of leaving this world and never seeing my girls again.
    But like I have read so many times before. Suicide is not about being crazy, or wanting to really die, it is about when the pain overcomes the ability we have to deal with the pain, and that is when the suicidal thoughts start and sometimes it gets so bad to a point when we have no control left and the pain has overcome us and we actually attempt suicide and not just think about it... I know that I have started taking some pills today and hoping I can keep taking them all day, enough to be fatal. I know that I really do not want to die, but all I can do is cry and think about how my life was at one point in time and how it is now and that I can never go back to that time and that I feel like it is falling deeper and deeper in a hole everyday and that I cannot go on living like this anymore... It just isn't fair.
     
  9. lostbutterfly

    lostbutterfly Member

    I feel the same way... I feel like the only thing that is stopping me are my girls, and at this point I am not even sure that they are even going to be able to prevent me from doing it, or at least trying it, in the end. I feel like I am so full of hurt and pain that it is overwhelming to me and that I cannot possibly deal with it anymore. I feel like it hurts me even more to know that I do have my girls and I cannot be there for them like I want because of my pain and depression... they are older now, 17 and 19, but I still feel like I need to be there for them, but I am not able to because of all this and how I feel.
    It is the worst feeling in the world, wanting to die. I am not really afraid of the dieing part, just the unknown part of leaving this world and never seeing my girls again.
    But like I have read so many times before. Suicide is not about being crazy, or wanting to really die, it is about when the pain overcomes the ability we have to deal with the pain, and that is when the suicidal thoughts start and sometimes it gets so bad to a point when we have no control left and the pain has overcome us and we actually attempt suicide and not just think about it... I know that I have started taking some pills today and hoping I can keep taking them all day, enough to be fatal. I know that I really do not want to die, but all I can do is cry and think about how my life was at one point in time and how it is now and that I can never go back to that time and that I feel like it is falling deeper and deeper in a hole everyday and that I cannot go on living like this anymore... It just isn't fair.
     
  10. exnurse

    exnurse Active Member

    life is deffo not fair for some of us, misery part of my life, struggle constantly with thoughts, feelings life, bills, work/not working etc etc im thankful for my boys and my family it keeps me alive
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.