i'm pathetic

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ILGreen, May 26, 2015.

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  1. ILGreen

    ILGreen New Member

    i'm a failure at everything. i'm 20 years old and i don't have a job and i'm not going to college. i'm too stupid to go to college and i have really horrible social skills that i can't even get a job. i'm sitting at home doing nothing all day, but wasting my parent's money. i wish life was a lot easier, but it isn't. i don't try hard enough to make myself better or be happy. i don't deserve to be alive. i hate myself. if i'm dead, everything would be better for my parents. they wont have to worry about me, they can save more money on bills, and it's one less mouth to feed.
    i've already thought of a plan on how to die. i just never know when is the right time to do it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not stupid you write with clarity and you have compassion for others. You just need help with social skills that can be learned In regards to a job well volunteer work can lead to a job Work with animals at a pet shelter or within a hospital lots of volunteer positions there. Even if you do a few hours a day it help build you confidence and gets you to meet new people
    Have you talked to your doctor about getting therapy or on meds to help you with your depression and anxiety
    PLan instead to get support for yourself use the energy you have to get help ok. Your parent will be destroyed they will just be destroyed they will not move on
  3. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Hey Green :)
    I don't think that you're a failure or too stupid and all that. You said that it would be better for your parents if you were dead, but don't underestimate their love towards you. Having to bury one's own child is something to desperate on. My aunt has lost her son about five or six years ago and it broke her completely. It will definately not be any better for your parents if they don't have to feed you anymore because you're dead. And if you think about ways to die, this is actually proof that your head doesn't want you to die. See, you never know what will come afterwards. Everything could just stop, but at the same time it could be nuch worse than this place. Or better, you just can't know. And you will find out early enough anyway. Goddammit, you're 20..! You still have so much of your life in front of you! As eclipse already said, working at a pet shelter or something like that as a volunteer can help you find a job. You can help out and learn to get on better on a social basis. Don't give up, okay?
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi ILGreen, I can relate a lot, I am 26, live at home and do not work. I volunteered last year for 8 months, would you try doing that? Are you getting any social welfare? Do not think you are alone in this because you aren't. :hugs: we do care. Also, you can always go back to education. :hugs:
  5. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Don't discount what you do have - your parents are there to support you. You have so many decades ahead of you in which to become successful. Don't give up just yet.
  6. ILGreen

    ILGreen New Member

    Thank you everyone, sorry for the late reply.
    I do want to get better at talking to people, but i'm not sure i can. i feel like i'm so abnormal that i don't understand how a normal person should respond to things. i'm so weird that i my old friends don't talk to me anymore(probably because i'm too annoying and childish). I'm so afraid of looking stupid in front of people i either run away or if i can't i start crying. for example i used to work at a store and they called me up to do some cashiering, i thought i could handle everything myself(since they've trained me a few times), but i couldn't and i kept thinking how unprofessional i'm being and that everyone thinks i'm an idiot. i ended up crying when a manager came to help me. i thought about going back to college, but the thought of presenting in front of the class scares me. if i present in front of the class, everyone will understand how stupid i am, and my report will look like a 12 year old wrote it.
    about volunteer work, i wouldn't know how to tell my parents about it if i want to do it. they'll think it's weird and ask me what's the point of it, they'll tell me if i'm going to work i might as well just get paid for it. my parents don't really understand anything about depression or anxiety(which i do not think i have). usually when my mom notices that i'm so afraid of talking to people, she will compare me to a girl a year younger than me, she'll tell me how she's has a job while going to college still, or how she's so popular and has a bunch of friends. my mom will also tell me that i'm being ridiculous for being scared to talk to people, she tells me that unlike her, i was born here, so i don't have an accent and i know english better than her. my dad usually doesn't tell me anything, but he's pretty much on my mom's side, thinking that i have no reason to be so sad or afraid of people.
  7. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    You're soooo not alone! Your mother sounds so much like mine. Parents who compare us to our more successful peers are terrible. As if we don't feel bad enough about failing, they have to rub it in our faces. And telling you that your worries are ridiculous makes me want to punch her in the face. If you promise to come punch mine for doing the same.

    Anyway, I can identify with a lot of what you wrote - failed university twice, can't get a job, wasting my parent's money, no friends, no one to support me emotionally, avoiding social situations because I'm afraid of looking stupid, my mother doesn't even try to understand my situation and doesn't really care about me. Except I can always keep it together in public, when overwhelmed, but then break down a bit when I get home and can't go outside for a few days.

    I wish I could say something encouraging, but unfortunately I'm a few weeks away from suicide because of my problems. The only thing I can say is that you should definitely seek professional help, to make sure there isn't a physical problem in your brain that is sabotaging your efforts.
  8. ILGreen

    ILGreen New Member

    Thank you, i wish i could say something to you so you could feel better.

    also i would go to a professional or something to see if i'm ok or not, but i don't think i can ask my parents to take me one.
  9. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Same here, actually. Can't afford to go on my own, and my mother probably won't pay for it because she thinks mental health problems are shameful. And she's big on alternative medicine and conspiracy theories, so probably wouldn't buy any prescribed medication for me even if I did visit a psychiatrist, because "it's all a government / big pharma / secret societies conspiracy to turn everyone into mindless drones". And, worst of all, even if I did find a way to visit a professional, I'm way too scared to talk about my problems in person.

    Anyway, do you have anyone else to turn to? Other family members or close friends you can trust?

    Alternatively, are there any free mental health services in your area? If there are, you might be able to get help without going through your parents.
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are young and you have the whole of your life in front of you. Please seek medical and see a therapist about your issues. You got to be strong. I know it's hard but you can overcome this crisis. PM me any time.
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