I'm pathetic

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by na-taya, Mar 4, 2016.

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  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I am a pathetic excuse for a human. I always have n always will be.

    I have plans to end it all, not today not tomorrow but in the future and I what will confirm the time to do it. Not somthing im willing to share.

    But recently i have been thinking why am i waiting??? What am I waiting for???

    Why am I pretending to build this life that everyone wants me to have inbetween??? It's not like im gonna be around for it....

    What am I doing?!?!? Why bother??

    I'm beyond pathetic...
    I can't tell those around me about this
    1 they will try stop me
    2 they all think I'm getting better and doing so well
    3 i dont want to burden them.

    I don't know what I'm doing ill shut up. I don't want sympathy....I don't even know why im voicing this arghhhhh pathetic i tell u
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry.

    What is going on? Would it help you to get it off your chest?

    You are not a burden to people who care about you, you too deserve to feel better than this.
    Have you reached out for someone professional to help you get away from all of this?
  3. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I'm due to be discharged from mental health services if my first semester on uni goes well........

    I've had mental illness since my teen's.....

    No much has happened I just dont see the point of each minute i breathe........I know that my future plan is concret and will happen........it's just im starting to not see the point I waiting.....

    Why not just do it as soon as possible. Why bother trying to pretend that life is 'normal' and I can do 'normal' things.

    I have one friend but I can't always tell her because she is so proud of how far I've come after I need my 7yr relationship that was apparantly emotionally abusive......but I though for once i had a relationship with someone who did abuse me.

    Sorry I should feel sorry for myself.

    It don't help when people won't believe me when I say I'm not smart enough for uni.....and I'm not saying that to be mean n horrible to myself im just being honest......

    I just don't know what I'm doing........
    I'm sorry
    I just don't want to be around anymore i see no point at all.......I must work on getting supplys asap.....

    Sorry.....I'm prob not making any sence right now my thoughts are only focused on one thing.....and if i had what I wanted right now it would be done.

    Pathetic pathetic pathetic.


    Thanks for your time I don't deserve it
  4. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Not even my cats can reach me......they normally help everything
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya hun, you are not a burden at all, if it helps you to feel better online then so be it, as long as you do have some relief. You deserve only the best. I know you are a good person so please seek professional help, as I said to someone earlier your thoughts are NOT facts. Please open up to the friend you do have, if it was the other way around, don't you wish you could do the same for your friend and help? That is something to think about hun and we are always here for you no matter what crap life throws at you.
  6. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I would do anything to help her a d she knows that. And I know she would be there for me if i needed it.....but she just dont need my added stress on top of what is going on for her right now.....and I refuse to add to her stress n worry.....

    I should of just shut my mouth and dealt with it on my own im sorry I though it may help but I still feel just as alone isolated n horrible........

    Thanks for your time petal and kind words but I really am not a good person i try to be but I've done horrible things.
  7. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    I would say continue living bc there IS good in life. It can be music or a place to visit or helping others. There is good to be had and people do care about you. Just gotta find what motivates you and go with it.
  8. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Dont get me wrong I know that there is good in the world and things can be enjoyed. I have fun times and horrible times but I just dont want to be here...and I wont be in the future.....but just last few days ive wanted to move it forward.
  9. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    :( Well I'll certainly try to help in any way I can. "Hold on strong, don't let go , there'll never be no one to take your place "-Darius Rucker
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    we've all done questionable things in our lives, some may even be considered as horrible. That does NOT make you a bad person at all. It means you are human. Time is a great healer, take some time out for yourself and try and relax, no one deserves to feel the wrath of depression and suicidal thoughts. I sure hope you feel better soon. we are here for you!!
    AdamTide likes this.
  11. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Mmm i disagree petal and I really don't want to explain why because it's to distressing for me to visit that place in my childhood.

    I'm not so bad today but I did self harm last night it been well over a year since I had done it.

    My time will come.......it just may be sooner than expected.

    Thanks for your time!!
  12. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    I think you can have a lot of time left if you take it day by day and focus on the positives. The people on this forum are glad to help. Do something for YOU. Take some time for yourself and focus on getting the most out of each day.
  13. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I don't know why i keep putting myself through this day in and day out......

    I don't understand how some people are so much stronger than others.

    It's 6am and no sleep its starting to get light outside. Dreams haunt me when I sleep n flashback when im awake.

    I'm so tied but not just for sleep.

    I try n see the good but it's just not enough.
  14. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Hmmm wish I could help you with your dreams. Can share them with me if you like. Once you get some sleep maybe getting out in the sunlight can help.
    sahel likes this.
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