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I'm Pathetic

#1
I just spent the last twenty minutes crying to get Mane and Tail out of my sinuses because my insides feel like they're on fire. I inconvenienced everyone with a rampage about fucking shampoo! Every time I try to get mad about something that matters I can't, and every time I try to do something simple and it goes wrong I fucking explode. All I can think about is how pathetic I am for being so fucking impotent and weak. I think this is going to be my last post on this forum.
 

Nick

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#4
I just spent the last twenty minutes crying to get Mane and Tail out of my sinuses because my insides feel like they're on fire. I inconvenienced everyone with a rampage about fucking shampoo! Every time I try to get mad about something that matters I can't, and every time I try to do something simple and it goes wrong I fucking explode. All I can think about is how pathetic I am for being so fucking impotent and weak. I think this is going to be my last post on this forum.
I'd be pretty worked up about that too. It's not an inconvenience if something is bothering you. It doesn't matter how big or small it looks. I'm allergic to an insanely long list of things, and if I had something in my sinuses that made me feel like I was on fire I'd be upset too. That doesn't make you weak. It makes you a person who doesn't like to have their nose on fire!

Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard. I'm guilty of it. Looking around at someone else and thinking WTF is wrong with me! Nothing is wrong with us. Talk all you want here, about anything. If you're worried about making a post about something that's upset you, drop it in the petty or major complaints. I wouldn't worry about it though.
 

Gert

Well-Known Member
#6
Hey Jack-O99,

I can relate to what you are saying. It's very frustrating for your feelings to be 'misplaced' so to speak, where the people or situations who deserve anger don't get it and the shampoo bottle pays the price. I have similar problems myself, and to this day I rarely get angry to a person's face. Partly it's because of an ideology, I tend to go for explanation, constructive discussion. Partly it's because letting out my real feelings would scare the living fuck out of people. I've built up so much resentment over the years that a person who wrongs me would not be getting a fair dose, they'd also pay for the wrongs of others before them. That's inherently unfair, so I try to closely moderate my responses... but it's frustrating. When I was in the hospital they recommended to find some form of relief, like hitting a stack of newspapers with a baseball bat. Never really did it for me, but something like that could help. The one thing that helps me the most is (slightly violent) sexual release, best with another person (obviously consensual) but also works by myself. Fantasies can really make reality tolerable, if used in a healthy way. Love and strength<3
 
#7
Hey Jack-O99,

I can relate to what you are saying. It's very frustrating for your feelings to be 'misplaced' so to speak, where the people or situations who deserve anger don't get it and the shampoo bottle pays the price. I have similar problems myself, and to this day I rarely get angry to a person's face. Partly it's because of an ideology, I tend to go for explanation, constructive discussion. Partly it's because letting out my real feelings would scare the living fuck out of people. I've built up so much resentment over the years that a person who wrongs me would not be getting a fair dose, they'd also pay for the wrongs of others before them. That's inherently unfair, so I try to closely moderate my responses... but it's frustrating. When I was in the hospital they recommended to find some form of relief, like hitting a stack of newspapers with a baseball bat. Never really did it for me, but something like that could help. The one thing that helps me the most is (slightly violent) sexual release, best with another person (obviously consensual) but also works by myself. Fantasies can really make reality tolerable, if used in a healthy way. Love and strength<3
Well my sex life is definitely more "aggressive" than most, I feel pretty satisfied with our relationship. I just don't seem to want anything anymore, nor do I ever really feel capable of expressing whatever feelings I have. I used to be able to write for hours about anything, now I've been struggling to even find words for a suicide note.

ALSO I wanted to ask someone this, because I haven't experienced being in one before: What's an adult mental hospital like? I'm going to be aging out soon for kids one's and realistically if I don't admit myself I don't see anything getting better, I'm just terrified of being locked up in a hospital.
 

Gert

Well-Known Member
#8
Well there are bound to be differences between the mental health facilities in different countries. I wouldn't presume to know what they are like where you live. Here (in Belgium) they are pretty great. I've been admitted eight times as an adult, about half of those times it really helped, and the other times it was still useful. I am claustrophobic and have felt trapped on occasion, but only one time it became a problem and I left the next day. I actually think any adult could greatly benefit from being admitted at least once, it's just so different than the outside world. So in short, go for it! It has a good chance of making a significant difference in your life.
 

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