I'm pissed off with myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A loser, Mar 20, 2010.

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  1. A loser

    A loser Well-Known Member

    As you may have seen in another thread I made, I recently ended a long term relationship. Last night, I was feeling a little despondent about life, and decided to go out with some 'friends', in the hope of rasing my spirits. We went to a local bar and planned to go to a club afterwards.

    I seldom drink and have not touched alcohol for a couple of years (Just because I don't really like that the taste or the idea of being drunk), however, my friends could tell I was upset about the break-up and not really getting into the evening. They brought me a couple of beers and convinced me to have a few drinks to chill out, I was in no mood to argue. If you have read my other threads, you will also know I have bipolar, after downig a few drinks, I became increasingly manic.

    In the end I got quite drunk (I regret this deeply and resent myself for my poor self-discipline). I ended up 'getting with' this female friend of mine (she was drunk too), i'm worried about this too, I like her, as a friend, but i'm trying to get myself better right now, and I don't want things to get complicated unless i'm sure I have found the right girl. I'm concerned about hurting her feelings, she's a nice girl and doesn't deserve to be treated badly.

    I then rounded off this rather eventful evening by being very sick, probably due to the alcohol combining with the medication I am on and I now have a pretty bad hangover. I knew full well I would behave like this if I drank, I always do (another reason why I stopped drinking), but I still did it *facepalm*. I feel really bad about all this. I have some wonderful people around me and they deserve better, I deserve better. I wish I had more contol over my emotions at times.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah this will be a tough battle, especially if your friend has other feelings for you. All you can really do is tell her the truth and pray it does not destroy your friendship.
  3. A loser

    A loser Well-Known Member

    Well we were both really wrecked. She's not a very close friend (I knew her through another friend) and we had only talked a few times and gone out for a drink once (ages ago). I just don't want any upset to be caused by my actions. I'm not really feeling well enough to talk to her right now, i'm going to wait a while. Thanks for the reply.
  4. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    Wait it out. She might not want anything emotional.

    From what I've seen, if it happens when you're drunk it doesn't usually lead to attachment.
  5. A loser

    A loser Well-Known Member

    I'm finally recovering from one the worst hangovers ever. Me and drink do not mix well and me, drink and meds even less so.

    We will see, I actually think she is quite cute, it's everything else going on right now aswell.

    I'm not so worried about what happened with the girl, i'm just really dissapointed in myself for behaving in such a way. I just find it so hard to control myself sometimes (because of my mood swings) and I really don't know what to do. My behaviour worries me a lot at times, but I can't seem to break the cycle. Sorry for the rant. I just needed someone to hear. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  6. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    What did you do that made you so disappointed in yourself?

    IMO, it's okay what you did. You didn't seem to really go beyond your control... sounds like you got drunk and had a fun time with a girl?

    Other than the hangover, what exactly do you regret?
  7. A loser

    A loser Well-Known Member

    1. I went against my principles by drinking alcohol. I don't have any problem with people drinking, but I try avoid to avoid it for several reasons: health, not wanting to get drunk, knowing I will act stupidly when drunk, possesing a rather addictive personality.

    2. I made out with a girl I would probably not have got with if not for me being inebriated. This could potentially lead to upset and/or awkwardness. I wasn't like going to club and pulling a stranger - when you are both not looking for anything serious, this was someone I knew, a friend.

    3. I have been unwell all day today because of the stupidity of my actions.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2010
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    You'll be "on speaking terms" with yourself again soon enough... It takes time to forgive yourself, just like it takes time to forgive others.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. You have to consider the circumstances. I mean you're not exactly doing well which is certainly one of the things that contributed to this outcome.

    On top of that, I'm sure that if you're honest and open with the girl from now on, chances are she'll keep seeing you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2010
  9. A loser

    A loser Well-Known Member

    Lol wut? I'm doing a lot better now than before, this was just a bad set back. To be fair, I wasn't ever dishonest with her, I never lie to people (*disclaimer* not including white lies). We were both wrecked. I could have chosen not to do drink and therefore I could have avoided this situation. I talked to her a while ago, she was upset, but she understood, I left it at that. I probably won't see her for a while anyway, we don't usually hang out. I just hope I can learn my lesson.... this time round. It's one thing to make the same mistake twice and another to make it for the rest of your life.
  10. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

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