I'm planning on disappearing

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Swedishgirl95, Jul 23, 2016.

  1. Swedishgirl95

    Swedishgirl95 New Member

    Since I learned to speak and walk I've had a HUGE confidence. Lots of friends, Love for life, and easy to get boys.
    2 years ago I fell in Love. 4 days ago it ended.
    During these 2 years I've trivs to kill myself 3 times.
    My boyfriend physically and mentally abused me. He also cheated on me 4 times.
    He would regurly tell me I'm stupid, ugly, worthless etc. And other times he would tell me I'm the mist beautiful girl in the world and bla bla . He pretty much fell in Love with my look and wasnt attracted to my personality. I was in Love with HIM. Everything about him.
    My friends didn't like him. So I lost them. Now I've lost him too.
    He tells his friends and other people in my community that I'm psycho. I'm not crazy. I'm just lonely.
    I don't understand how I got here. I use to be the strongest and most independent kid who didnt take shit from no one. Now I sit here alone at work. Turned 21 two days ago.
    I live in Stockholm (Sweden). I'm planning <mod edit - methods>

    I wanna grow old and have children. But I can't live with myself anymore. Drugs don't even work anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2016
  2. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    Hi Swedishgirl95.

    You are in this position because the cruel bastard you were in love with has broken you.
    Don't end your life over him, he is not worth it.
    You can be healed and get your confidence back but you need help. You're not alone. If you ever need to talk, there are lots of people here who know what your going through.
    Stay strong and stay with us. We can help but you should speak to your doctor too if your meds don't work, there be something else they can give you. We're here for you. Hugs
     
    Swedishgirl95 likes this.
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Emotional abuse is not nice but you have to dig deep to stay strong. We are for anyone hurting.
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend was abusive. Is reconnecting with friends possible?
     
  5. Swedishgirl95

    Swedishgirl95 New Member

    i tried yesterday with my old best friend. She said she had moved on and that I made my descision when I got together with him.
    All I have left are my parents. My brother is a recovering heroin addict, and I don't want to destroy them more by dying... But I can't live this life for someone else. I've been trying to keep positive and find the smallest joy in anything. But it feels like the Anna I was, as a child and teenager is completely gone. Everyhing, even my sense of humour.
    I wanna love life and see the world and have kids and all that but it feels like perhaps I was only meant to be a child, and never become an adult.
    Hard to explain I just feel so fucked up
     
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    *hugs* I think I sort of know what you mean. But keep going, find little things that help bring you some joy. What about trying to make some new friends? Do you work or go to school?
     
    iam likes this.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi swedish girl and welcome to the forum, it is nice to ''meet'' you. Glad that you found ud as we're very welcoming and supportive.
    I am sorry you are going through a difficult break up but please know and believe that suicide is not the answer. You can recover from this without harming yourself. Please keep the support of a counsellor or see your doctor for starters. Please stay away from the drugs they are very bad news as you probably know but just keep in mind this website full of kind and caring people will help you to stay alive, keep talking to us if you find that it helps! Best of luck hun :)
     
  8. NewAside

    NewAside Member

    You can find new friends again. Proof is that you already had quite a few. Try sites like meetup.com and joining clubs or activities.
     
  9. UCR Student

    UCR Student New Member

    As Iam said, youre in this position of that bastard... Let me tell you that I made this account just to tell you that hurting yourself over him is diffidently not worth it. From here and out I can guarantee that it will get better. Nothing is more important than your health. Try watching your favorite show or/and tell yourself positive things every morning. Hope my post helps. Please keep us updated. *hugs* :3