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I'm pretty much done.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Doseitmatter, Dec 11, 2007.

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  1. Doseitmatter

    Doseitmatter New Member

    I'm just gonna give you the main points here, no need to bore you with theatrics.

    For as long as I can remember I've been depressed, even diagnosed. I was on medication and taken off around the age of 10 or 11.

    About a year or two ago I came to terms with myself about being gay. Which pretty much crushed me throughout my senior year of High School. I still haven't admitted it to any friends or family, and I can't see them being any more accepting of it then George Bush himself.

    Now I'm a Freshmen in my first semester at college. I messed it up real good, and I'm going to get suspended. Grades are not what they should be. My family took a huge leap of faith loaning me about 600 bucks to help pay. Which they didn't even do for my sister. I've let them down.

    Another kick in the teeth is that I, or so I've been told, talk in my sleep. As you can Imagen, the things I say aren't things I'd generally would say while conscious. Why I bring this up is the other day when my room mate's mother called, she was pissed about one thing or another, and slipped up and called me a 'Fucking fag', Might not seem like much, but I almost cried right there.

    I can't see myself living the life I'm heading for. I'm going home today to see my newly born Niece and Nephew for the first, and probaly last time.
  2. down_and_low

    down_and_low Active Member

    There's absolutly nothing wrong with being gay! Really, who cares what your room mate's mother thinks? She isn't important to you. People who judge you on just your orientation aren't worth spending time with. I know it's easy for me to say, but it's true. If you surround yourself with like-minded people, you'll be free to be yourself :)
    As for your grades, can you re-sit any exams? I had to in my first year, and i managed to get through... just! I'm sure your college will be understanding, they won't want to lose you.
    You won't have let your family down. They're probably really pleased that you wanted to go to college to increase your knowledge. You had the ambition to do that, and I'm sure they're proud of you.
    If you need someone to talk to, you can always message me.

    Be safe!
  3. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I would talk to the authorities and see if you can re-sit the exam failed. Last thing they want is to loose a student that has willingness and stick for himself. As to your orientation, either it is definitive or still on the exploring phase, it doesn't regard anyone but yourself. What you are happy with, in being what and who you are, and not pretending falsity to please others as in that you'd fail yourself and be miserable for the rest of your life. Be happy to know who you are and live it. Be true to yourself. None will live your life for you nor walk in your shoes so make sure those shoes fit you well and go about your life hun.

    granny x
  4. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    wow seems like you have been givein a reall, hard deal here. But guess what there are a lot of gay people who are absolutley wonderful people, I swear some on my friends are gay, and I just love them, maybe moving somewhere where its more exceptable will allow you to open up and not suppress your feelings and allow you to feel normal, there are places like this. It might be hard at first, and when you have reall friends that except you for you, then you will have support to tell your family and so on... u did not choose to be gay you dont need to blame yourself... for the way u where born... I am proud of you for letting it out here, and getting a little something of your chest....
  5. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    There will not be good people in this world, I'm sorry but its true. There will always be people who just don't like you for no reason whatsoever, I'm sorry but that is also true. And there will also be people who will just refuse to understand you because they choose ignorance, that is very true. But you have to be stronger than them because that is a weakness in them, not you. You have to learn to love yourself for who you are and who you want to be, that is something that i am struggling to do but I know I need to do it. IMO there is nothing wrong with being gay, my cousin is gay and it took him a long time to tell his parents and he's only in highschool. But even after he got the courage and told I've never treated him differently, I still help him whenever he needs help, he can talk to me about anything, and I still treat him like my brother. He's learning to accept himself and you should to and I am learning to accept myself too. Thats one way to be stronger than the people who hurt you in your life.
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