I'm profoundly lonely.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Groznyji, Dec 17, 2011.

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  1. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    I don't even know if I qualify as suicidal, so maybe it's completely pointless and/or unfair for me to even be here. I know that I think about suicide a lot but I'm almost certain I'll never actually go through with it. I want so much from life.

    As trite as it sounds, I feel like there's no one in the world that understands me. I feel so god damn lonely. I have people around me that I can talk to and hang out with, but it doesn't help anything because I don't feel like they "get it," if that even makes any sense. Even the very few people I count as friends don't "get it." What's worse is that I'm not even sure if I know what "it" is.

    The only way I can describe it is that I want to be able to listen to someone and I want that someone to listen to me. It's not a romantic or sexual thing. I don't care if the person is male or female. I want understanding. I'm desperate for it and it makes me feel pathetic.

    What the hell am I supposed to do?
  2. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    A lot of people here can understand what you're going through I'm sure, being that we're all going through similar things. So you've come to the right place. What is it exactly that you want understanding about?
  3. ItsOkayEllijah

    ItsOkayEllijah Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. Lonilness is the human condition. I know we all need validation when we feel a certain way. We might not understand it but it is, Cause it is . and it has been since I can remember.
  4. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    What you want is perhaps something you will not get from a lot of people.

    If you want that deeper understanding, talking to people in a church might help. Many a bit older christian do have a lot of depth in their life. Alternatively, you could look for it in other relgions: hindu, bahai, etc.

    Popular western culture is rather shallow. We're very successful in terms of wealth and power, but it comes at a price I guess.

    I also don't have the feeling people understand the deeper me, but I've just stopped caring. I gave up basically. Just having fun conversations are good enough for me these days. Not saying you should give up your quest for deeper understanding though.

    I don't at all think it's pathetic that you want this. Maybe it's a need of some human (not all) that they are born with. I don't think denying your human needs is healthy!

    I hope you find what you are looking for, and perhaps you will find it here on a forum. The thing for me is, I just don't think online contact of real life contact is the same. Online is just much less satisfying for me. Don't know why. But I like to read on forums, learn a thing or two, give some advice.

    Well take care.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You will get understanding here hun You will get people who will listen and care and get it too hugs to you
  6. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    I'm not quite sure, to be honest. But I don't think it's anything deep and abstract. I want to have things in common with people.

    My best friend is my brother. I have a great relationship with him. Unfortunately we live in different countries now and I won't be able to see him for about a year. The only other great friends I've had are also in different countries now. We Skype sometimes, but that's not very satisfying in terms of actually having a social life.

    I have "friends" where I'm living now... if you want to call them that. As in, I could hang out with them and we could talk, but I don't enjoy their company. Some of them even annoy me. So, of course, I don't really hang out with them. The problem is not that I have trouble finding people to socialize with. The problem is that I have trouble finding people I can relate to. I'm depressed, and most people just end up depressing me further.

    I'm young, so I take solace in the fact that things will most likely get better. I just try to be myself at all times and hope that I attract the type of people I want to have in my life. Unfortunately, beyond that, I tend to visualize how I would end things if things don't turn out how I'd like. And I do that often.

    You're absolutely right. It's a basic human need. I think I described it in the wrong way. I don't think it's pathetic to have the capacity for loneliness at all. I feel pathetic for actually revealing that I have a lack of meaningful relationships, and that I seem to have some sort of inability to cope with it properly.

    I'm not shy, and I don't think I'm ugly or stupid (not that those things would prevent me or anyone else from having great relationships). I feel like there's something else wrong with me that causes me to struggle with this issue so often. I'd like to find out what that is, and what I'm doing wrong. My feeling of inadequacy stems from not being able to satiate this particular desire, not from having the desire itself.

    I don't know anyone that prefers digital contact over real contact, and I'm not here in order to satisfy that need. The appeal of online forums like this is to be able to discuss aspects of one's life that people can relate to while remaining anonymous.

    I could go to the mall and start talking about these things to random people if I wanted to. Most of them would probably look at me like I'm a nutcase and scurry off. I could also go to a physical support group for people who are suicidal, but then I wouldn't be anonymous. I don't want people to know that I'm having these feelings.

    Thanks for the responses. I'd appreciate it if some of you could share your stories. Knowing that I'm not the only one with these problems is comforting, and writing about it is cathartic.
  7. lemajiko

    lemajiko New Member

    hi Groznyji
    u know what
    i feel like it was my story that you was telling
    besides be sure you re not the only one who feel so :)
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