I'm new to this site and have only made a couple of posts. My upbringing was ideal and I know I have it better than most, but i've never been happy. 3 months ago i quit my job in the financial industry because it was slowly killing me. I thought I made a positive change by leaving, but now i only feel worse. I've applied to 80 jobs and haven't landed one. My friends and family are worried about me, but they don't really know what is going on. I've recently been spending my days sleeping in because of severe hangovers. I wake up and start drinking...I'm extremely drunk right now. I should be looking for a job...but i'm losing it. It's scary because I don't have any real reason to hate myself, but i do. It's all my fault. I am losing control and sliding into the abyss. I know how and where I would end it all. I know I would be able to do it and it bothers me that i'm so confident about how to do it. I had it all....I had my looks, money, women, a job, a nice place. I've lost all of those things. I can't tell my friends or family because it will hurt them and they will wonder why i'm so messed up (none of them are). I'm scared because i'm starting to not care, and I always have before. I've always been obsessed with music, but lately even music doesn't bring me any joy. I don't really want to die now, but i have no interest in continuing. I just don't want to hurt my family. That's the ONLY thing that is stopping me from offing myself. I'm so fucked. I need to change. Please help.