Everyday the thing that enters my mind is why do I keep on living. I've come to question every action and thought I have. I used to be happy, I was a very kind person, and I had everything going for me in life. I felt strong, in control, healthy, I just felt amazing. Now I don't know. My mother wound up in jail across the country for some amount of years I don't even know. I've only met my father recently but I don't know I guess he's always had more important things to care about. But all of that was in the past I thought. while things like parents could be taken from me. I found solace in that their was something no one could take from me. School was like my second home, more like a first. The only family I knew all my life was my mother. My mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict. shes been in and out of jail for as long as I've known her. That's really why I love school and education so much. School was the one place I felt safe because when I went home I had to go to that. when we parted ways she took the one thing I cherished most, our dog. I could go on forever about this but its just my background. I've been having chronic sleep loss recently and for the longest time I didn't know what was causing it, until recently. its a long story but I know whats caused it all this time. I just still don't know if I want to live. I usually have great grades but right now I'm flunking out of everything, which just gives me less of a reason to live. It's just hard for me to remember things, and I feel so horrible. At this point I'm trying to see if ill get better if I get more sleep. I just feel like a wreck, like a failure, like I'm incapable of life. Everyday all I think about is whether I should live or not and how I should die.