I'll be 16 June 5th. I'm not excited, and I wasn't last year or the year before that either. I don't understand the people who practically smack you over the head with their nonstop preaching that every life is valuable and that there's always something worth living longer for. Which is ridiculous, honestly. I suffer from severe anxiety, several phobias, and OCD. My parents have no faith in my acedemic skills. My friends, all six of them, are never there for me and four of them submit me to systematic verbal torture. One of them ignores me completely, and the other, though I love him to death, lives on another continent and I never get to talk to him. I'm currently in a "friends w/ benefits" relationship purely because I love the guy. He only makes contact with me because he wants sex and knows that because I have feelings for him, I'll do whatever he wants me too. A year ago I was date raped by a guy I had been fooled into believing cared for me. The only thing keeping me from killing myself this minute is the knowledge that my friend C, who lives on that other continent, lost his brother to suicide. His brother committed suicide for stupid reasons because he was shallow and an all-around idiot, and so C is very touchy about suicide and gets angry with me when I talk about how I feel. I just can't take it anymore though. I have no prospects for a future, no job, emotionally neglectful friends and parents, and numerous psychological/emotional problems. I'm not delusional enough to believe I have much hope.