I'm ready to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lonely20, Apr 17, 2011.

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  1. Lonely20

    Lonely20 Member

    Hi I'm Charlie 20 years old and had enough of this life. I just have nothing left in me to give. Ever since my girlfriend left me I have literally fallen apart. Not only was she so horrible about the whole thing but she spoke to me like crap when she left me. And that's what makes it even worse. The fact that she was so cold hearted to me makes my pain 100 times worse. Then all lost all my 'friends' they all folowed her and took her side. Even the people that were my friends that I made and never even hung out with her really! I've been stabbed in the back by so many people. So lonely I can't take it anymore. I just push everyone that tries to get to know me away. I don't mean to and I regret it after but I'm scared to trust anyone i guess. I quit college cause everytime I went in I ended up crying and going home. I feel like such a loser. I have no friends, no job nothing. I've taken a lot of paracetamol recently but had no affect so far just nausea. It's better if I'm dead. Pain gets worse everyday. Everyday I fuck up more and more, I push someone away or upset someone. No one needs someone like that around. So I'm going to take another overdose and a big one this time.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that you can find a way to work things out and I hope that you don't take an overdose!

    How long ago did you break up with your ex?

    unfortunately, many break ups are really nasty, and ex's try to get revenge

    If someone gets upset with you, that doesn't mean that you have done something to upset them. Often it means that they are just irritable, or that they are looking for an easy target to abuse

    I think that getting some therapy could be good for you. In particular, you might want to learn to assert yourself. Often times when someone gets angry at you, you need to get angry with them back for picking on you.

    I think that you have been treated unfairly, and that you deserve to have a happier life.

    I hope that you can get better soon!

  3. NotAnotherUserName

    NotAnotherUserName Banned Member

    Hey their,

    Weldone on reaching out here, that can take a lot of courage! Sometimes breaking up can affect someone who would want to hurt you this could be domestic abuse, I can understand why this is difficult for you, but please don't take what she said seriously. When someone gets hurt they say horrible stuff, so please don't take it to heart. Are you in couselling/therapy?
  4. Lonely20

    Lonely20 Member

    She left me two months ago now. I've actually been trying to get counselling for 2 years now believe it or not! On the nhs but had no luck. I've recently contacted a local counselling service where i have to pay a small fee. So I'm waiting to get an appointment from them.
  5. NotAnotherUserName

    NotAnotherUserName Banned Member

    What has your Dr said about couseling, because you can get couselling for free.

  6. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to SF, hope you find the support here.

    Will this be the first time for counseling? Im sorry that its taken so long for you to get any help, its a pain in the butt the process you have to go through. You would think it would much easier.

    Your really hard on yourself, I know that when Im in my depressed mood that I feel like I cant do anything right, or that anything good could ever happen. Thats the disease talking to you, whispering in your ear telling you lies.

    Sucks that school didnt work out for you, what do you do with your time now? What was you going to school to be? The biggest and most important thing about being depressed is keeping yourself busy and your mind occupied. What kind of hobbies do you have. Is there any chance you could go back?
  7. Lonely20

    Lonely20 Member

    Yeah or been tying to get it for free for a long time. But kept getting pushed from place to place. I've had counselling before with child services. I have a long history if depression, self harm etc. Since I was 13 so 7 years :( now I'm not at college I'm not doing anything until September when I might go back to college to study something else. X
  8. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Hi. Like you I joined here partly due to a break up. Its hard and soul destroying.

    I do have some good news for you though.... You do get through it. It looks bleak and too far away I know... But stick with it. I also took an overdose... All it did was destroy my back and stop me being able to sleep for days.. DON'T DO IT! It won't bring her back and it will just make her see you as weak which will drive her away more. You need to go through the stages of breaking up which is painfull... It sucks... But its totally normal. If you want to talk pm me. I'm also from the uk. The nhs is slow and less understanding... This place is great for help! Stick with us... And DON'T TAKE THE OVERDOSE!
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Charlie, I see one particular GP who offered me counselling several times. The wait is 6 weeks or so, but I've not really had the notion to go myself. It is good for many people though.

    I'm surprised you have had to wait two years. I'd actually complain over that and try to get the local health authority to move things along. Paying for private could be costly and if in the event you perhaps had to go every week for 6 months or a year or more, that could actually make you even more depressed and anxious with the cost. You say 'a small fee' and I'm not sure what this means.

    My local doctors is a primary care trust - not sure if you have one of those. The actual counselling ought to be offered along with any medication for anyone who either talks about suicide or feels like dying too often.

    As for breaking up, thankfully that initial pain of the world crashing inwards will peter out to the point were you'll not notice it. If someone does not want you there is not a lot you can really do about it. Then again, if your suffering depression then maybe your break up might be linked to some ongoing emotional issues which you realise you have but obviously want the counselling so you can work things out.

    In that case, maybe the break up is about you overcoming the emotional issues and being able to be a better man for it. If you do change in the coming weeks, months, then its not beyond the realms of possibility that you could contact her and see what happens.

    Did she know about your counselling (or lack of it) and depression?

    Good luck and hope things work out.
  10. Lonely20

    Lonely20 Member

    Yeah she knew I suffered with depression, but I was not depressed at all in our relationship. I was really happy! The breakup has triggered my depression off again.
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry that the broke up brought back feelings of depression. IMO we never get over depression, there is no cure but sometimes we are okay with it and sometimes we are not. When we are not okay with it, then we have to find a way to make ourselves okay with it, (sorry that sounded like alot of blah).

    I hate this disease, the rollercoaster of it all can just be torture. But dont fool yourself, you have alot to look forward to, you are just starting your life, what do you plan on studying when you go back to school? I always bow down to the ones that can achieve these huge tasks and deal with depression at the same time. Some things in life can be hard and so challenging but worth it in the end, because you are going to school to better yourself and your life.

    I do hope that you like your therapist, that means alot, but you probably already know that since you had counseling as a child. I also hope that you continue to post here.

    Hugs, hope today has been better than yesterday.
  12. Lonely20

    Lonely20 Member

    Thanks and hugs. I took a big overdose in te end and landed myself in hospital on a drip for two days. So yeah and today has been terrible I've been crying so much and had thoughts of hurting and killing myself. I just give up. I have no friends no life. I don't even get out the house cause no one to go with. That's the thing that gets me down the most I think. The fact that I have no friends,no one that's there for me and cares from a friendship level. But I wish I did. I'm
    So shy as well so I'm just a complete loser
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, I think that you can make some friends

    you don't have to go out with people in order to go out. it may feel more comfortable to go someplace with someone, but I don't see why you can't do whatever you want by yourself

    I wonder if you could join some kind of hobby group, meditation class, other kind of class so that you can meet some new people.

    please don't say bad things about yourself!
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