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I'm ready to end my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Autumn01, Apr 5, 2011.

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  1. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm so ready to end my life. I just feel like I should probably have my own place first to do so as not to leave my mom with all my stuff for her to have to do something with. I think I may feel a little less guilty that way too. But there's no way I could leave anytime soon.

    I know that I'm definitely a burden to her and I know that she will be okay with me dead.

    I'm afraid as to what will happen when she wants to move- I don't know if she would ever throw me out on the street or what.

    I already know I'm a no good nothing.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad hon....that's the illness telling you negative stuff about yourself...
    I do it too
    I would bet your Mum doesn't think you're a burden and she will not be alright if you take your life..
    she would rather have you alive than not..
    you know my story and I can tell you life is hell after losing a child to suicide...
    are you seeing a doctor, therapist, meds??
    ever thought of doing a self esteem course? or reading books on it?
    hypocrite that I am -i understand the importance of talking positive about/to ourselves..
    you are a worthwhile person and have been a good friend and supportive to me many times...
    please take care *hug*
  3. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    What evidence is there that your mother considers you a burden?
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sad you feel that way about yourself...you sound frightened, but caring and someone who considers others...those are not traits of someone who is 'no good'...in fact, those are characteristics of someone who is quite good...please post more and let us know what is going on...and, why do you think your mother might 'throw you out on the streets?" is this something she might do? big hugs, J
  5. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thank you again. You are always so kind and sweet.
    I know I've told you before but again I am so deeply sorry about your son.
    You are truly such an angel and an awesome friend. I'm glad that I have helped you get through hard times in the past. You have helped me a great deal too-Thank you. :hugtackles:

    I'm not seeing a doctor or on meds or anything.

    I'm presently trying to drop 15 lbs.

    No, I've never done any self esteem classes or anything.
    I do hate pretty much everything about myself! lol
  6. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I soppose there isn't any actual evidence that my mom considers me a burden. But I don't see how she couldn't feel that way about me. It's unlikely she would ever tell me that though. I know I add stress to her life for certain.
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    It's not your fault but Thanks.
    I'm frightened about the thought of staying alive.

    I know my mom wants to move atleast within a few years and get a smaller place. I don't know what will happen then. I should be on my own but I'm not and I would have no where to go.
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Your suffering from classic signs of depression - but not taking any medication?

    My experience is that not taking medication can see eipisodes increase. I don't take medication but I'm revising that also. Sometimes, you cannot think yourself out of the negative mindset. Meanwhile, life passes by and things we might have done are not done.

    See your doctor, explain your situation. Don't be frightened that you'll be locked up there and then! You will or should be asked about suicide - feeling like it and having the plan ready are two different things. Bear in mind thinking about can easily grow into a kind of idealisation - it 'seems' like the answer but its not.

    As for your mum, she will want you to move one day, make your own life and so on - but that's a positive thing. If you've not told her how you feel - well, she is not a mind reader. You think you KNOW what loved ones are thinking - but even those very close to you can keep this horrible secret. Mothers know your feeling 'down' perhaps but you can the worse depression seem like a case of the blues.

    Talk to your mother about how you feel. With depression we imagine the most horrible things about people we love. We project our own appraisal of ourselves on others and imagine they see us as we see ourselves when the darkness calls.

    Your mum would be devastated if you killed yourself.

    I just thank God your talking about it to someone but hope you seek some help off your doctor. The idea is that the medication will allow your brain to feel basic pleasure at a subtle level. It gives you the chance to rethink things with a clear mind and start to do 'normal' things again.

    What have you got to lose?

    Only the depression!

    Good luck and a special prayer for anyone who has lost a child to depression. It takes time, but part of the healing process, for the wise, will be to recognise that what they now know can help heal others.
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