I'm ready to go, just not willing to hurt my family.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jonathan_Shepard, Jan 3, 2009.

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  1. Jonathan_Shepard

    Jonathan_Shepard New Member

    I've attempted once and come damn close several times. Just two nights ago I burrowed deeply into my wrist with a razor blade, but changed my mind because I didn't want to leave my lonely grandmother with an empty house and a bloody mess, and I didn't want to wake up in the emergency room again with more medical bills on my hands, or her's.

    The last time I attempted I was in the Marine Corps. I was training at Camp Lejeune and decided I'd had enough of their bullshit, my own inhibitions, my stepfather abusing my brothers, and my brother hopping from one foster family to another. I popped 50 grams of motrin and woke up in the IC ward, my career thrown in the garbage and my future in the gutter. I was kicked out. I've been a bulimic, borderline personality, ephedra junkie for 5 years now. I don't have any issues with my bulimia or meth addictions, because I can go days without them if I choose. But I can't get a job in this miserable little part of NC, can't find a meaningful way to occupy my time, and can't find anything enjoyable or worth pursuing in life whatsoever. It's been that way for some time. I'm truly willing to bury it all. Hell, the happiest moment of my life was the last few hours before I collapsed at Camp Lejeune. I felt like a toddler packing up for a trip to Disneyland.

    The problem is, I've rekindled my bonds with this old woman and I just can't bring myself to hurt her. When she drops dead, which may be soon, I'm putting one of her slugs into my brain. So I guess my question is:

    How do you make suicide look like an accident?
  2. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    this forum isnt for suggestions on suicide
    so im sorry if its dissapointing to you

    however, this forum is here to help

    if you wanna talk, please PM me

  3. nz10040

    nz10040 Member

    cant give you an answer to that on this forum since its pro-life

    if you need to talk IM me
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    Welcome to the forums :welcome:

    Like others have said, this is a pro life forum. We do not discuss methods.

    Is there any way you can go to another town to find work?

    As for occupying your mind, perhaps get a new hobby? Or do some volunteer work? :hug:
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    We can't give advice on how to kill yourself, but we'd love to help try to make life manageable. Unlike most people we intimately understand the desire to kill yourself.

    We're great listeners here. And we don't want you to die. Believe me when I tell you I understand how attractive the notion is. But you can't kill yourself without devastating your family.

    PM whenever ,

  6. princewacky

    princewacky Member

    ohhh... i have a suggestion!!!..

    JUST FORGET IT!!!.. hahahha.. theres more to life!!!.. you should enjoy it!!! HAHAHAH!!!... keep pumpin' and YOUR OKAY!!!.. ;D

    yeba yeba!!.. ;D
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Jonathan. We're not allowed to discuss methods at SF or else you might get placed under moderation. Instead of thinking about how to make a suicide look like an accident, why not think about how you can make your life better. I'm sorry that you were kicked out of the Marines, but I guess they don't want suicidal people walking around with M16 machine guns. That could get messy. Is there something else that you would like to do with your life?
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