I'm ready to make it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bigfailure, Jun 8, 2014.

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  1. bigfailure

    bigfailure New Member

    I only need the logistic. That week that comes will be worse than the last one, and it is my fault. I feel so out of hope, so antisocial and egocentric that I can't talk about that to anybody except in a totally anonymous forum like that. I've had a lot chances in life but I could no take them. The pile of sins and pain is smashing me. I am so mean that I can not let anybody see it. My egocentrism lead people to think I am only an asshole and I can't help acting this way to protect my fragile ego. But I went to far and I fear I have done too much harm to people around me, family and my wife, since i have no friends. I tried to be different earlier this year but things went out of control and now I see there's no way out. I'm not a child, I'm 30 years old. I am unable to take care of myself and there's only one way out to avoid making it worse.

    In my teens I thought thing would get better with time, and that nothing was my fault. I moved away, thinking a new life would help me anyway, bu it didn't. It's too late to look for help. Sorry for my bad english.
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi, and pleased to meet you, thank you for reaching out to SF in the hope of finding some new insights which will help your situation, because I don't think you really want to die, you want things to be better, and think that you've run out of options as to how to do this.

    You have good self-awareness and understand that your ego needs to be centred on something other than itself. I promise you that this can be done, and actually, you're half way there because you realise it for yourself :) I understand that we can hurt people and beat ourselves up for it, but the truth is that, with sincere and genuine apologies to those you know you are responsible for causing pain to, and the determination to turn it all around (it can be done, if you want it to) - you can begin a new life, with better understanding with new insights you haven't had before, which will make a difference. I promise you, there is a method of therapy whereby this can be achieved, you just need to have the willingness to give it a try.

    If you PM me, I can give you more details.
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    You seem very self aware of your problems and why it makes you feel the way you feel. Have you ever tried therapy? Therapy can help you change the way you think and behave, so it may be worth a shot if your "egocentrism" is a problem.
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Join the club.
     
  5. Bio

    Bio Member

    But they told me that things would get better :(
     
  6. bigfailure

    bigfailure New Member

    I have never tried therapy, but soon my life will be totally ruined, and I think I won't have enough time to try it. Thinking about that I think I always knew I am a failure and that's why I have always avoided people. I feared they could see who I am. Instead of recognizing it and trying therapy when I had time, I started to lie to myself up to the point I could not see reality anymore. I am waking up from a deep dream of 15 years.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2014
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