I'm Ready *TW*

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GirlofNight, Feb 25, 2013.

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  1. GirlofNight

    GirlofNight Member

    I made plans a while ago that I was going to kill myself on my birthday. I then decided to recommit myself to recovery and tried focusing on that. Now I've been sort of going back and forth depending on how I feel. Well, today is my birthday. I went through the day and saw my family and smiled and did the whole dance. Now, more than anything, I want to die. I feel ready to go, like it's the right decision. Things have been getting increasingly worse in my head and I have no hope left for me. I've been fighting this for too long, it's won. I'm so exhausted and tired of trying. Death is what I want. It can end things and set me free. It is the only thing I find hope in anymore.

    However, despite having multiple options of ways to go through with it, I'm fighting the urge. I'm trying to stay distracted and all of that fun stuff. But things are getting bad. So bad. I feel like I'm really going nuts. I feel like if I don't attempt I will at least end up severely hurting myself. I've managed to not self harm for 7 weeks but my birthday marks my 17th anniversary as a cutter, so cutting seems fit.

    I feel completely alone and like I'm going nuts. Everything hurts. I really should just end it. I really should.
  2. PureBlueLight

    PureBlueLight Well-Known Member

    Your 17th anniversary as a cutter?! That's too much!:dispirited:
    Why do you harm yourself? What do you need to feel better?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are hurting hun i am glad you are talking here to us. You keep reaching out ok Hope your birthday today hun can mark a new beginning for YOU hun one that you show yourself compassion and care ok No self harming hun do something special today for YOU ok something you have always wanted to do hugs
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