I thought things were getting better, but they're not. I'm sitting alone here in my room at 1 AM. I don't think I'll let myself go to sleep. I'm trying to play the piano but I don't have any focus right now. These feelings are clouding me. What's my problem? A number of things, as anyone, but if the biggest thing is I'm tired of being lonely. I've been lonely my whole life. I thought that would finally end when I went to college, but 2 years have past and I don't feel any better. When I say loneliness, I mean I'd like friends I can trust, but also affection from girls. It seems like every person I've ever opened up and started to trust stabbed me hard in the back. I want so bad to reach out to someone, but no one gives a shit. On the outside, you would not expect me to feel this way. I get good grades in a hard major, I'm an athlete for my school and am thus very built and fit, I'm good at speaking, I'm a musician that plays shows around campus now and then, I'm friendly. But on the inside, the really deep inside, I'm really down. It feels like I'm in an all out sprint just to keep up with life - I'm not worrying about the next day, just today. I just try to get through every day without snapping. I don't want this. It feels horrible. What do I want now? I guess I want to be able to get close to someone. Other things bother me, but I think those things wouldn't matter if I had some friends and maybe a girlfriend who were close to me, but I don't.