i'm really struggling

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bella muerte, May 13, 2007.

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  1. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    i havent cut in a couple of days.
    i was in a pretty stable mind until today.
    it was shit today...
    i had an arguement with my mom what mad
    my mood drop completely.
    the arguement reminded me of what i'm cable of doing to myself.
    my mom didn't trust me to be alone for two hours.
    saying if she left me alone i would take an overdose or something.
    it made me so frustrated and furious that my own mom
    thought i was obsessed about killing myself.
    so that all left me desperate to cut..
    i know i shouldnt but .. i dk
    i really just wish i was dead so i wouldnt have to watch my mind destroy me.

    :no: :help:
  2. Greenforest

    Greenforest Well-Known Member

    Haven't exactly been in same situation, but if you cant control yourself, couldn't you at least take all the knives somewhere you cant get them?
  3. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    It's okay, you can get better. You did a great thing you showed you could stop yourself, even if only for a few days.
  4. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    i did cut in the end ):

    no one knows though ... i'm doing better now , haven't cut.
    i need to stay in a stable frame of mind.
    but thats hard when theres plenty of things that will get me thinking dangerously.
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member


    I'm here if you need to talk to me hun.
  6. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    have no energy to make a new thread.

    i cut ... and burned myself. i feel like a fool for doing so
    i've got marks on my hands .. scars to add to the collection ...
    i thought by now my mind was strong enough to get through an urge.
    the nightmares dont help the hole not si'ing.
    i'm feeling really spaced out ...

    i took a slight overdose too today .. it honestly made me feel in control.
    i'm a freak for that but at least i find a way to show my mind that i still feel ...

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