I'm Really Struggling...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by FlashingFlickering, Dec 25, 2010.

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  1. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    I don't like posting for myself often, or asking for support, but I think right now is a bit of an exception.
    Long story short, my dad did something stupid a little bit ago that really triggered me and now I have incredible urges to take an OD. I don't think I'll be able to fight them off much longer, it's just too strong. I'm not sure if I want to take enough to kill myself, but I could... It's really tempting. I'm not even afraid of anything right now.
    I don't know what to do. If I don't act on the urge, it'll probably just get worse. Right now all I want is an overdose, it's all I can think about. I don't think distractions will work this time, I've been desperately trying since I got triggered. I can't go to the hospital or anything right now, it's 10PM at night on Christmas Day, no one could take me. I won't be able to be around anyone who can make sure I stay safe.

    I just can't trust myself. I want this too bad. I think I might act on the urge soon.
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you have asked for support! If distractions aren't working what about practical steps - can you contact the Samaritans to talk to a real person, or go to A&E (ER) for immediate support.
    Things to think about - what do you want to achieve by a OD? Is this something you can discuss with your dad or is he part of the problem?
    Even if nothing I have written makes sense, please do not overdose - it is dangerous and it's a horrible experience.
    Take care x
  3. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your response.
    There isn't anyone I can call... My dad would see the number on the phone and he wouldn't be happy. I have no way to get to the ER.
    If I take an OD, the urge will go away. So will the pain and everything else. My dad is a major part of the problem, I could never discuss it with him.
    I'm not sure about horrible experience, I've done it countless times before and it's never really been horrible.
  4. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Flash I can see that you seriously want to but also don't want to will Over doseing help you in any way a part from make you ill hospitals tend to stay open 24/7 you can ask your mum to drive you there if thats possible or a friends mum.

    It seems like your dads teaseing had eeffected you alot he shoudn't have made such mean comments did you reply to him? Or tell him that was mean or raciest. I'm sure your a buetiful dancer stay on this site try keeping yourself occupied a bit try relax your mind like non of it happened. There are many people on here you can talk to if you need someone I bet anyone would love to talk to you.
    Could you send a E-mail to Samaritans? That was your dad will not see if you've contacted then they reply under 24 hours.
    Take care Flash x

    Hold in there Flash :hug: x
  5. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    My mom passed away last year, and none of my friends parents know I do any of this.

    I told him that he was being a jerk, that's it.

    I made a promise to myself to not do anything until 11PM (it's 10:45PM now). If I'm still really triggered then, I might do something...
  6. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Oh yeah you told me, sorry :(
    Maybe its time to tell your best frieend about it, they will only try help and support you.

    It seems like you've made your final decision why not give this site a little break and play some games to make to feel better as this site wont make you foret now will it?

    :hug: Flash whatever you do I hope you stay safe x
  7. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    My friend already had a really hard time accepting it when I told her I was suicidal, it would break her if she knew I took overdoses.

    I've been playing games on the side, but I don't have the attenion span to do it for long :p

    Not so tempted to take a lethal dose anymore, at least. But I think I'll still take a few more then I'm supposed... Just not enough to warrant immediate medical attention need.

    Thank you
  8. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I don't understand - if your dad wouldn't be happy about making a phone call, how will he respond to you ODing? If you do OD won't you need to go to ER? What I'm trying to say is that there will be consequences whatever you do so why not take preemptive action?
    I don't know what you take or how many but there is always a risk of long term damage or actually dying.
  9. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Flash :hug:

    Please don't try OD. OD'ing will ot work in most cases and you are just going to put yourself through a lot of pain.

    Stay and talk to us and play your favourite music ok.
  10. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    He probably wouldn't know. He never does. I wouldn't need to go to the ER unless anyone knows what I did...
    With the stuff I have, overdoses are either going to be barely-anything-dangerous, or extremely, deathly dangerous. No inbetweens for me.

    I'm trying not to. I know it would be painful, but for some reason that doesn't even phase me right now.

    Can't play music now, my dad is in the same room.
  11. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Have you got some headphones?
  12. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member



    Sorry everyone, I took a small overdose :s :i'm sorry:
    Nothing too dangerous, but the medicine I took does have some recreational use so I might be a little bit high/off the wall in about half an hour. Usually does happen to me at that dosage.
    But at least the urge to take something lethal is totally gone.
  13. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    It's alright, sweetheart. As long as you are safe :hug:
  14. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    I should be, hopefully.
  15. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    I want to thank everyone for the support on Saturday night, I was really having a hard time then. It did truly make the difference between me taking a very small overdose, and me taking a lethal one.
    I'm fine now, but if it wasn't for all of you I probably wouldn't be at home and healthy today.

    Thank you all so, so much <3
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