I'm really stuck, mabie i should just do myself in

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emptysoul, Apr 29, 2008.

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  1. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    I dont know if this is in the right section so bare with me.

    Im feeling so down, ive got an appointment with the mental health ppl at one of my local hospitals at 1420 wens 20/04, my doc refered me as urgent. I want to die and I dont want to go in case that im locked up, im scared of that and of life in genral, but im scared that if I dont go that they will send the police round my house and lock me up,

    Ive got to go and see a client at 4am and I know they like very rough hard sex and I know it will make me feel a lot worce which i dont want, but if i dont go I cant afford to get to the hospital, ive got no-one to take me, I think its one of those Catch 22 things!

    The only way i can see out of it is to run away or kill myself (which wouldnt be to hard in my current state). I dont really have the energy to run away but killing myself wouldnt be that hard. I just dont know what to do.
  2. sophie_b

    sophie_b Well-Known Member

    huni, u know this isnt the answer. yo're not going to get locked. could you not walk to the hospital? and if u dont mind my asking, what do you mean by 'client' ? surely there is a way because i realy think going to the hospital and getting some proffesional help, will help?
  3. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    Client as in i'm a male escort, tho saying this i did stop 3 weeks ago but moneys been a bit tight lol
  4. I used to study prostitution, but I'm in no way an expert. If your pimp is anygood he'll keep you from getting hurt. If you're freelancing then you have no commitments and can just walk away.

    You could just call the police and ask for an escort if you really are a danger to those around you. I would stay away from rough sex. I don't know why they would come after you, but unless you've murdered, raped, or have done drugs I can only see you as a victim.
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi emptysoul, there is no certainty that the hospital will admit you. most places prefer to do outpatient treatment and want you home and in your community. just be honest. tell them how low you are feeling, don't hold back. but also tell them that it is important for you to stay at home, that you don't want to be hospitalized. even if you have a tiny bit of hope that things might be fixable, that they might get better, and as long as you can take care of your basic needs by yourself they will most likely send you home.

    what might happen is that they refer you to a crisis team, or mental health nurse, or something like that. i go to an intensive day program run by the hospital -- it provides group therapy, relaxation, access to a mental health nurse, things like that.

    just be open to what they can offer you, and don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. ask lots of questions.

    i was afraid when i went, since i'd latched onto suicide as the solution to my pain, and even though a small part of me (let's say 1% of me) wanted to live, i didn't want to get rid of my solution. at first, the best i could do was "defer" action to another day, and that was good enough. they didn't take my "solution" from me.

    about your 4am, please be careful - you are in a fragile frame of mind right now. take care, and don't skip that appointment!

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