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i'm really trying...

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nolonger

Well-Known Member
#1
I've written up a kind of letter that I plan on giving to my mum just as I go off to school(so she can read it while I'm at school).

This is what I've written down:

"I thought it would be easiest to bring this up in a letter than to randomly talk to you about it.

Anyway, I've been experiencing mental problems for a few years. I've felt depressed for a very long time. To the point where I don't remember being happy. This is in addition to the thoughts of suicide that don't go away. They're always there. My grades are starting to slide. Well they already have. I'm fairly certain that I'll fail Maths, but I should be able to get a transfer to Maths A when I do crap on an exam. I got a C in the Chemistry test, so that's a pass. English is one massive waste of fucking time. I'm probably doing fairly crap in that class too. I have no idea how I'm going in Biology, but Graphics has become worse. The teacher is some annoying-as-fuck British guy that is filling in for a teacher that's on long service leave. In a nutshell, school is a shit storm. I couldn't be fucked going because of that amount of horseshit we end up doing. I also can't concentrate easily. I end up remembering nothing or small fragments from the lesson, if I'm lucky. I don't know if I've ever bothered paying attention. It all just seems like a load of pointless shit. And it is. I also have problems with anxiety that lead me to not doing some things.

This isn't a side effect of the Roaccutane. It's been around for ages. I couldn't give a shit about much anymore. School's getting fucked up, and I don't care. They could easily half the attendance rate and cut out all the stupid shit we have to do(some classes are ridiculous). The 'Workplace Practices' class is useless as I don't even fucking want the certificate. If I didn't do that class I wouldn't have to do work experience(another thing I don't want to do). But of course, the only thing the school gives a flying fuck about is getting all the students a certificate with a 100% 'success rate'. School becomes redundant by about grade 9. Even though they repeat what you learned in primary school in the first few years.

I was just saying this if we could go to the doctors to get something for depression/anxiety sometime soon.


Mac."
There's a probly a shitload of swearing in it but I swear in real life a lot anyway.

I'm on medication for my skin that has possible side effects of depression(but I think it's the fact that I look like shit, not the meds) so it kind of gave me a reason to tell her this. Although i stated that it wasn't the meds because I've felt this way for years. I also put in the bit about suicidal thoughts because maybe she will take me seriously or something?

I feel so stupid for doing this because I don't know how much all this is costing....it's all adding up with all these fucking doctors(dermatologist) and medication(I'm on 3 different things for my skin.....). like I'm just wasting all our money.

so I thought i'd run it by you guys to see what you think.

thanks
 

oval

Well-Known Member
#2
yeah thats quite a bit of swearing :laugh:
did you ever mention depression to your mom or is this the very first time?
you described your situation in school well but i think to not making a parent think that your using depression as an execuse for doing bad in school, maybe you could explain how you feel in general a bit more, apart from school.
well thats what my dad thought when i told him about me being depressed, so i could be wrong and maybe your mom will be completely understanding.
i hope 2nd will be the case :smile:
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#3
I think reaching out to your mother for help is a good thing okay YOu can also phone your gp regular doctor and get on antidepressants but do it okay You will find your grades will increase once you start feeling better hugs
 
#4
Heya

I agree that writing this letter is a really positive thing to do. Maybe Loud Silence has a point though, and it may be worth explaining a bit more about how it impacts you on a whole not just the education side. You have explained how it affects your education really well, but perhaps just a bit more detail on the rest of your life, how it makes you feel a bit more.

Just a thought anyway :) good luck with your letter :hug:
 

doityourself

Well-Known Member
#5
I agree, give her the letter, but dont forget to tell her how much you love her. Tell her that you think going to docs will improve not only your mental state but will also help you in school because with depression you cant focus or keep focus.

Good Luck.
 

jota1

Well-Known Member
#6
And maybe tone it down a bit so she does not have a heart attack !

Good idea to express yourself, sometimes writing down stuff makes it better.
 

nolonger

Well-Known Member
#7
thanks for the replies :P

well it's sorted....the library wasn't open today so I ended up sitting outside writing a bit more to this letter(funnily enough, the extra paragraph contained barely any vulgarities! :laugh:).

I'll rewrite it tonight(the original has scribbly shit all over it) and chuck it at mum as I walk out the door to school lol(I'm planning on going late tomorrow, avoiding the workplace practices class :mellow:).

So...wish me luck!!! :unsure: :unsure:
 

nolonger

Well-Known Member
#13
Well an update:


I pretty much chucked the letter at the table when I was walking out of the door and said to mum "there's a letter I need you to read". It came out so quickly and she was like "what is it if your running off like that...", she quickly grabbed the letter, I ran out the door, was about 200 metres from home when she came outside and was like "come back!!". I just screamed back "after school!". I didn't know what to expect.

She must have rung the doctors as soon as I got to school because when I came home, I had an appointment with one at 4:30pm. Dad took me to it. It was a bit of an awkward drive there...I kept feeling like I wanted to turn the shitty radio up so it didn't feel so weird. But atleast with dad he doesn't blab on like mum. Mum always wants us to talk about things with her......I've never felt close to my parents for several reasons. Well the doctors appointment was pretty awkward too....dad was in the room when he was talking to me. When the guy said "So what's the problem?" all I could think of was "depression and stuff...", but I guess most teenagers talk like that anyway. That was followed by "So why do you feel depressed? what life factors make you feel bad?" I said I don't know. Well I didn't really. He was then like "well there must be something...well ok...so what is school like? do you like it?" Of course I answered with no, it's crap. Then there was stuff like "friends? do you have many friends?" No. "trouble sleeping? going to or getting out?" going to sleep mainly. "What about eating/diet?" yea its a bit dodgy. "what are your grades like?" um...getting crap..(that's when dad chimed in and said that they've probly actually gotten worse than wat they used to be). He asked what my plans were for the next couple of years, whether I wanted to go to uni eventually or TAFE or something. I said I don't really know what i want to do. And its true...I have no fucking idea. Whether I had a suicide plan or not/if I had thought about it. I said I had thought about it. He wrote down that I had no plans but had thought of suicide, that tends to change though.

Anyway, he eventually gave us a referal to an 'adolescent psychiatrist'. The guy he gave us is apparently one of the best in my city and he's know him for a couple of decades...only downside is that the fucking wait time is about 3 months.....so that's a bit of a massive fail. Like no wonder people end up killing themselves hey? They have to wait like 3 months for some appointment thing when we can barely see a day ahead...and for people my age 'talking therapies' seem more effective, medication is usually used for older people but somethings can be administered if needed(wouldn't be surprised if I end up going on something). My dermatologist also said to stop the meds for now, but she said she wants to get me on them as soon as she can. I hope I don't have to wait 3 months to go back on it....

While I was at school, my chemistry and maths teacher also rang home....My chemistry teacher originally was calling from the staffroom about my lack of doing homework. The maths teacher was in the room at the same time so obviously overheard him talking to my mum and then decided to mention I was also doing crap on my maths(i got a D on that exam...). It's actually funny trying to imagine what the situation would have been like...having my maths teacher go "oh and dont hang up! i need to speak to his mum aswell." or maybe they just put the phone on speaker? LOL.

So I guess not a shitload has changed. Atleast people(my teacher/parents) will know why I start failing badly if it happens.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#14
that is a good thing your teachers now know why you are not doing so well.
Ask your parents to phone the pdoc okay office and get on t he cancellation list there if someone calls in sick they will call you okay i am glad you will be getting the help you need Good for you for reaching out and being so strong hugs
 
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