i have just spent the last 4 hours researching methods on how to kill myself, trying to find some new information. I really really just want to be gone. I feel hopeless, but the thing is i feel so numb and disconnected as well. So numb that i doubt i'd go through with it. It's a contradiction. I'm a contradiction. If i could disappear somewhere alone and be happy, i'd be fine with that. But i have difficulty believing that i'd find any peace from my mind. My dream at the moment is to be able to go without impacting anyone. Like my life never existed, so my death would be of no importance either. I feel like therapy last year was just me wasting T's time. I feel like this is just a waste of time. I'm sorry your eyes have to read this.