I've been falling apart over the last couple years... I know I'm "not allowed to" cause I have to "be a man" but that isnt going so well now is it? I've always thought of my parents as loving and amazing but after my dad had a stroke, I cant look up to him easily. My mom has become a bad guy with it... It sickens me so much to say that. I love her so much, but I cant stand seeing her do the things she does to the people around her, and herself. God damn, i feeel so bad for her, she had big dreams and now her life is over. But at the same time she is destroying herself and the people around her. Her drinking bugs me so much. i cant talk to her. i know she cares about me, ever if she doesnt show it. She tells me nothing about anything going on in the family, or her health.. something happened to her tonight and I finally told her how much she has been hurting me and she said "oh." I know its august only but i cant go through another winter. I know I would hurt alot of people. but its to much, I cant. i hate it. i guess i wouldnt know how they were reacting if i wasnt there for it. i just need peace. i know that not many people will read this, but i could care less. Im used to being overlooked now. Im sorry.