I'm running on steam, I'm almost done.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by capex, Aug 21, 2011.

  1. capex

    capex Active Member

    I've been falling apart over the last couple years... I know I'm "not allowed to" cause I have to "be a man" but that isnt going so well now is it? I've always thought of my parents as loving and amazing but after my dad had a stroke, I cant look up to him easily. My mom has become a bad guy with it... It sickens me so much to say that. I love her so much, but I cant stand seeing her do the things she does to the people around her, and herself. God damn, i feeel so bad for her, she had big dreams and now her life is over. But at the same time she is destroying herself and the people around her. Her drinking bugs me so much. i cant talk to her. i know she cares about me, ever if she doesnt show it. She tells me nothing about anything going on in the family, or her health.. something happened to her tonight and I finally told her how much she has been hurting me and she said "oh."

    I know its august only but i cant go through another winter. I know I would hurt alot of people. but its to much, I cant. i hate it. i guess i wouldnt know how they were reacting if i wasnt there for it. i just need peace. i know that not many people will read this, but i could care less. Im used to being overlooked now. Im sorry.
  2. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    You sound very compassionate and that is a beautiful thing to find in people.

    I am so sorry to hear about your pain in this situation...please know I'm here if you would like to talk.

    Things do get better, with time.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just to let you know I read this, and it is so painful that you virtually lost both parents to your father's illness. I am struggling with similar issues; one of my best friends died who I counted on so much, and even in the company of a crowd, I feel so lonely, and at times, very lost...please continue to post and tell us what is going on...I say I am running on fumes, so I know how it feels...J
  4. capex

    capex Active Member

    So far today is better... But it's not dark out yet. When the sun goes down I tend to get upset. But I'm better right now than I was at this time yesterday... Maybe this is a good sign for tonight. I sure hope so..
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu can hang out here at night time okay chat talk to us okay I am glad tonight is better hun hugs to you