I am a college student. I have pretty much solidified a failing grade in two classes which were essential for me to make progress towards my degree. I went to a community college for two years, so I made a really big deal about transferring to a four year school. Now, I feel like I'm letting everyone around me and myself down. I can't transfer back. Not after the work I put into getting out. Things were at an all time low after spring break. I had enjoying being home so much and now had to worry about my classes again. This was the first time I had every cut myself. I've always been one to keep anything lethal away from me, but I actually keep a blade behind my phone cover now. I'm about to enter finals week. I only took 14 hours this semester, so none of this should have happened. I have a 3.2 cumulative, and I would be entering my senior year if I were passing everything. I should be signing a lease for an apartment and solidifying the job I have lined up for the summer, but there is a part of me that really doesn't know what I'm going to do with the next week of my life. I know it is silly, but if I actually do something, I'd hate to inconvenience anymore people in my life than I already would. I really see very few reasons to keep going. I might have already went into something had I not become romantically involved with a friend of mine. We’ve been sleeping together a lot lately, and I’d hate for her to think that any of this was her fault. Secondly, I really want to read the new Harry Potter book. I know that is trivial, but it keeps me going for now. I do want to live, but I don’t see how it is even an option though. I’d rather be dead than a failure anyway.