I'm running out of ideas

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by IronSlayer, Apr 28, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. IronSlayer

    IronSlayer Member

    I am a college student. I have pretty much solidified a failing grade in two classes which were essential for me to make progress towards my degree. I went to a community college for two years, so I made a really big deal about transferring to a four year school. Now, I feel like I'm letting everyone around me and myself down. I can't transfer back. Not after the work I put into getting out.

    Things were at an all time low after spring break. I had enjoying being home so much and now had to worry about my classes again. This was the first time I had every cut myself. I've always been one to keep anything lethal away from me, but I actually keep a blade behind my phone cover now. I'm about to enter finals week. I only took 14 hours this semester, so none of this should have happened. I have a 3.2 cumulative, and I would be entering my senior year if I were passing everything.

    I should be signing a lease for an apartment and solidifying the job I have lined up for the summer, but there is a part of me that really doesn't know what I'm going to do with the next week of my life. I know it is silly, but if I actually do something, I'd hate to inconvenience anymore people in my life than I already would.

    I really see very few reasons to keep going. I might have already went into something had I not become romantically involved with a friend of mine. We’ve been sleeping together a lot lately, and I’d hate for her to think that any of this was her fault. Secondly, I really want to read the new Harry Potter book. I know that is trivial, but it keeps me going for now.

    I do want to live, but I don’t see how it is even an option though. I’d rather be dead than a failure anyway.
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    first things first :welcome: to sf. this is a good place to express yourself and give as well as recieve support.

    having read this it sounds to me like you have made alot of positive choices. a 3.2 hell i could of only dreamed of that in high school. i don't think it's the end of the world not to have done as well as you would of liked in those particular classes. is it possible to try them again? if you could i would go for it. the goal is to get your degree don't lose sight of that. too many of us don't have goals set and we get blown all around. which is kind of what sounds like is beginning to happen to you. i want to encourage you to stick with it. i totally believe you can do this. DON'T GIVE UP!
  3. IronSlayer

    IronSlayer Member

    At noon tomorrow, I have a final which determines whether I actually can actually make more progress towards my degree or not. I'm at a library on campus right now. I'll probably be up most of the night studying. I'm trying stay positive and hope that a C is possible, but then again, it would be the first of many times that I've put hours of work into something and failed. This semester shows that. Then my mind drifts off and starts thinking about the razor blade I keep in my phone. I at least picked up the paper today at my work study to look for an apartment. I didn't make any calls so who knows. I was asked about my summer job yesterday and asked to turn the paper work in as soon as I can. I really don't know what do. I held the girl I was talking about before in my arms because she was upset that she wouldn't be seeing me for four months. Being one of the few decent guys around has its drawbacks, you know.

    I've thought doing all sorts of things. I even added up the cost of feeling to Mexico, so I could get away from school, debt, and my life in general. I've tossed around the idea of moving after graduation anyway. Heh, graduation. The thought seems impossible. I'm way behind because of the the transfer and prerequisites. I've always felt this way about things. At 14, I didn't think I'd live to 16, but here I am seven years later at 21, barely staying in college, and still feeling like life isn't worth living. Therapy didn't do anything before the only time I was in therapy was when nothing was going on in life. I wouldn't go back anyway. I'm from a pretty poor family so I don't want them spending money on that or meds either.

    Well, I suppose I should get back to work. In my first post, I felt a lot better after getting everything off my chest, but this time, not so much.:sad:
  4. IronSlayer

    IronSlayer Member

    Welp, just got back from that final. Failed it hard. This isn't me being negative, this is me being realistic. I didn't prepare well enough because I am lazy and worthless. I honestly don't know what to do now. I've been awake for so long. I need to sleep, but I'm too upset.

    I need to get out of this room.
  5. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    My word may seem small, but not many people nowdays graduate in 4 years and many do fail a class, wonder about next week and fear the future. I had one semester that bombed 2 classes. Next fall came back strong. I mean, what you face seems to be normal. I am glad you shared cuz we all think we are alone. You may have it better than you think. :huh:

    Take your time with the apartment, and beware of weird roomies. Let us know how its going. Sometimes, you get lucky and can coast a year, next year is in the toilet. AAaaahhhrrr

    Take care, :cool:
  6. IronSlayer

    IronSlayer Member

    Well, I think aside from calc, the rest of the finals went okay. I pretty much had to back out of the apartment because I wouldn't be able to make the first month's rent.

    Things are taking a turn for the insane now. The woman which I have been seeing thinks she could pregnant. As if life isn't hard enough. For the longest time, I couldn't die because of those who were close to me. In a few weeks, I'll know whether or not I'm obligated to not die for the next 18 years.
  7. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    It may seem like insane, but just may be a new path or turn might be what is needed. Try your best not to see everything as a curse to you. First, get the facts and then deal with things in reality. You can always come here to discuss things.

    I do want to live too, I just don't know how to go on.

    Just so you know, I care! :wink:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.