My first post. Hopefully it will be approved because I'm not sure how many messages in a bottle i can send anymore. You can call me Dero. The word seems appropriate... I am twenty years of age and i've been fighting depression since i was twelve. I guess you can say i was a sheltered child and it was the harsh reality of life all at once that broke me. Growing up i was a hyper kid and i always loved to make people laugh and to this day i guess i still do that. I didn't grow into a 'wealthy' family but we got by and i didn't care much for possessions, only the love of my family. We were all happy when we got our first home. A place to call our own. It was my home. Things were great! I can recall every happy memory like it was just yesterday! I used to play out in the backyard and explore the woods with my sister, haha the games we used to play it was always something different. But i guess as i got older, everything just started to change. My fathers attitude started to shift from loving father to...a stranger that i didn't know who he was at times. I guess i ignored the crying..the hitting...and the yelling in the house and it wasn't until my mother sat me down and told me that they were getting a divorce. I guess marriages these days end in the same trend. As if it was on cue that was when my behavior started to change. I became lazy and started to gain weight....then my friends in school became the bullies. This was only the beginning...for on my 13th birthday my father (Which we didn't know until 5 years later ) set flame to our house. A place that ment so much to me as a child. I was inside of the house sleeping when i heard the alarms sound. I was scared but i tried so hard to put out the flames that engulfed my home. I even had to pull my own mother out of the flames. My home was gone my family was broken and it seemed fate wasn't finished with me yet. This is only but a fragment of unwanted memories i recalled for you. To many it doesn't seem much of a bother at all and i understand that far many have it worse. But eight years of depression which i've tried my hardest to fight, i feel as if im slowly losing. I am hollow and detached from everyone now even my family. My heart in pieces by the ones i've shared my love with, an emotion and feeling i hold and cherish now only a memory of what it felt like. Durring these times i learned to let my mind wonder off in my own world which i've created in story for years. I don't know where im going with this now it seems im just writing.... I attempted suicide two days ago hoping i could just go to sleep and wake up in my 'dream world' only to wake up with a rapid heart rate and dizziness. I remained in bed durring this time and just looked out my window as every memory of my life thus far rushed in my head. And here it is. No where i expected it to be...and how it would end but im alive for now.... Only time will tell how long that would be.