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I'm sabotaging my relationship and i dont know how to stop

My boyfriend is the sweetest angel and i feel like i don't deserve him. so im being mean to him even though he wants to help me feel better. at the same time, he isn't doing exactly what i need (more advice than support) and when i tell him that (admittedly not always in the nicest way) he takes it badly. what do i do? i just feel like fucking shit i wish i could disappear out of his life and not be such a burden on him


woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
Hi, welcome to SF. I'm sorry you're feeling badly. *hug

I think it's important to try to explain this stuff to him when you're not already angry. So make it a point to sit down with him and explain how he can support you, and do this at a time when you're *not* frustrated because either of you have reacted badly to something. And then let him share as well. In my own relationship I often find that I assume my partner knows that I'm in a bad place and he should know to support me in some way, when really he is clueless in that moment. So he might ask something from you in terms of giving him a warning if you are in a bad mood, or prefacing some complaint with the fact that you don't want advice in that moment. Good communication just takes practice.
Thanks for the advice. I think sometimes i feel like problems need to be resolved like right now right now as soon as they come up and i don't leave time to cool off. but thank you i will try to remember this
Maybe writing an email to him explaining all the things that you value about him, but that also the advice is a problem sometimes.

If he asks first if you want advice, or waits for you to explicitly say you want advice, that might work.


The Storm King
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Hi Brubbly and welcome to SF!

One thing you might want to take a look at is your relationship with yourself. Focusing on your self and your needs can help a lot sometimes.

Focusing on your self doesn't mean being selfish. It means figuring out what is making you unhappy and changing it. Your bf might want to fix it all for you but he can't. Only you can make yourself happy in the end. It might take some therapy, going on meds, or changing the meds you are on. It might take other changes still (I don't know your situation) but you can get there. :)

It sounds to me like on some level you know your bf is a good guy. Make sure to practice some gratitude for all the positives in your relationship too!

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