im scared after what i witnessed.

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i live at a hotel yesterday the teacher leading a school trip from spain (to england) who were staying, had a break down. it left the other teachers trying or organised with foreign embassies a way to get the children home when they no longer had the right adult:child ratio to fly.

well basically my mum who runs the hotel went to visit her in hospital and was still commenting on what i nice person she was before.

i now know that she wont hate me if i end up in phyc some time but at the same time it really shocked her, i would do the same.

it almost feels nice to know she wouldnt hate me- but at the same time that self blackmail is no longer there :( i have spent the evening trying to smash a mirror with my head and im worried i might get worse.

i know its illogical but its how my ***** brain works :'(
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