I'm scared and worried.. Things are getting bad again..

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Jasper_Anonymous, Apr 18, 2009.

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  1. I haven't been to a therapist or taken any meds since I recovered from my last suicide attempt when I was 14, a few years ago...

    Since then I became a bit dependent on alcohol for a while, and I hurt myself often....
    For the past few months I was doing really well though... I'm in a relationship with someone I love, which has helped me so much... But now I feel like I'm in over my head and it's beginning to fall apart.

    I cut myself for the first time in 4 months last night. I'm afraid to talk to my girlfriend about it though, and I don't want her to find out. But I don't want to be dishonest to her either. :(

    Also, recently I've been very paranoid and I start to feel scared for no apparent reason. The tiniest noises freak me out and I just want to hide under the covers in my bed. :/ I don't know what's wrong with me.
    I feel depressed often... but being paranoid and scared for no reason is something completely separate and new.

    I don't know what to do...
    My dad won't take me to a therapist or anything because he just sees my depression as a weakness I need to get over... Maybe he's right... I don't know...

    I don't really even know what the point of this post is... Sorry... :/
    But has anyone experienced anything similar, with the feelings of fear and paranoia? That's really got me worried...
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hey Jasper,

    Sorry that your Dad doesn't understand your depression, but it's not a weakness, depression is an illness. Is there no one else at home you can talk too?

    I can relate to your paranoia & being scared. I too am depressed but have noticed that in the past 10 months or so my anxiety levels have increased which in turn has left me pretty much scared of my own shadow & extremely paranoid about a lot of things. Has anything changed or happened lately that could have triggered these feelings?

    Have you considered going to your doctor & discussing how you're feeling with them?

    Big hugs :arms:
  3. Thanks.. :] I'm glad I'm not crazy, and I'm not the only one who feels that way.
    I don't really have anyone to talk to... I don't know many people, besides my dad, my brother and my girlfriend. My dad doesn't care much, and he doesn't understand how I feel... My brother hates me... And I'm afraid to let my gf know I'm depressed and hurting myself again, because I don't know how she would react.

    A lot of my feelings could be related to the fact that I have been really sick for a while. I'm anemic due to bleeding from a stomach ulcer, and I haven't really been able to eat much lately either. I'm on medication for it, but nothing seems to be working.
    Also, I've kind of been stressing myself out a lot over my relationship with my girlfriend... Those things are probably playing a big factor in my depression right now. I know that once I'm healthy again I'll probably be happier and be able to think straight again, but right now it seems a little hopeless, and I've kind of lost my faith in doctors recently. :/
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Sorry that you're feeling low again Jasper.

    Did you not get any follow up after your last attempt?

    I know you say you've lost your faith in doctors a little but you've got nothing to lose by going to see one, have you? If it's hard telling them how you feel then try writing it down before you go.

    Big hugs, Claire xx
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