I'm scared... I'm nearing my breaking point.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bhr, Nov 9, 2007.

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  1. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    -- Six months ago, my relationship with my girlfriend hit a rough spot. I tried desperately to work through and make it better, but I didn't get any help.
    -- Two months ago, it ended with her just walking away. No words, no comfort, nothing.
    -- One month ago, my car was damaged in a parking lot by another car that burned up and that just added more stress to my already badly strained life.
    -- Ten days ago, I had to decide which person on my staff at work was going to lose their job, not due to bad performance, but just because of a corporate downsizing.
    -- Two days ago, I learned that it is likely that I will lose my job in the same job action.
    -- Yesterday, all I did after getting home from work, was drink myself to sleep.
    -- Today... I don't know about today...

    I'm being punished for something, but I don't know what. If I only knew, I would apologize. I would do anything to right the wrong.

    I'm scared... I'm nearing my breaking point. :(
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    being scared is natural and normal, yes it seems that one thing after another is going wrong, but its up to you as what you decide to do about it, your choice and no one here can change that.
    but everyone will be here to talk to, to listen and to give comforting words that we hope will help you through the tough times that we are all going thru.
    one day at a time my friend, be strong and stay safe.
  3. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    Events coming faster and faster feel like a downward spiral that I'm powerless to control.

    I just wish I could dispel this feeling like I'm standing at the edge of the abyss.
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i face that abyss every morning, i won't tell you it will be easy to step back but it can be done, with courage. i face everyday knowing i want to die, but i always see the morning to face down my demons.
    whats going on at work, you still there?
  5. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    I'm in the US. The day is just starting, but I've been up all night. Too many tears...
  6. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sent you im, have you seen a doctor or maybe spoken to your boss to see whats going on at work?
  7. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the note.

    No, no doctor.
    My boss is the one who told me I might be at job risk. To his credit, he didn't have to say anything.
  8. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    It does seem that life has been ganging up on you and I'm really sorry that these events- regrettably - seem to have such an devastating effect on your life.

    In your events countdown, you seem to suggest moving towards an inevitable destination. A destination predetermined by fate unmovable and unavoidable...

    However, this is not the case. It is far from the truth that you are punished for something inexplicable you may of may not have done...something you are not even aware of having done. Clearly it is unfounded drawing existence altering conclusions about life, death, the universe from a -admittedly, unfortunate but nevertheless common - train of events.

    The truth is, what you are experiencing is part and parcel whats called life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling your feelings or question the intensity of your hurt, but show me one person who has not lost a love, wrecked a car, gone through difficulties in a job and drink too much....

    My advice is, rally your friends, talk about love, life, work and those beautiful classic cars (Merc gull-wing...) and watch out for those tiny moments, when suddenly reality makes sense again. Moments, in which you notice that nearly everybody has made a similar experience as yours and nearly everybody has an opinion how to deal with it successfully... Putting things into perspective is a valuable tool and I'm convinced that after only a short time you'll find the answer to the question:

    "What happens when an unmovable object meets an unstoppable force...?"

    "The unmovable object moves and the unstoppable force stops...!"

    Lots of hugs. :biggrin::biggrin:
  9. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    No family to talk to, or to lean on. Friends are all work friends, so I can't talk about the work issues as it's all highly confidential.

    Normally I would tackle the issues head on, solve them, and move on. But lately they've just been piling on faster and faster. I just can't seem to clear one before another hits me. The stress is taking me to the brink.

    I'm just getting too old for this crap...

    I do thank you for caring... truly.
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    is your job a major stress factor for you at the moment, if so maybe you could get away from it for a few days.
  11. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    I wish that I could take a couple days off, but I may only have a few days left at my job. Then, a meeting with my boss... "We regret to inform you, but your services will no longer be required." In the meantime, I have staff that I care deeply about and who need my guidance through these rough corporate times.
  12. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    When it rains, it pours. When your whole world seem to be collapsing right before your eyes. Everything seems out of control. It has happenned to me a few times and I was desperately suicidal and there seemed to be no way out. Suddenly at the very last moment things will take a turn. Pray to God. It may work.
  13. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    I wish I could just sleep... dreamlessly sleep.
  14. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    Another day gone...
  15. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    and now a new day dawns, maybe today will be a bit easier. who knows?

    stay safe my friend
  16. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    Cold and cloudy night.
    Droplets patter down softly.
    Rain? No. Only tears...

  17. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    theres no shame in crying, i have done my share including today.
    the hurt and pain is overwelming and i understand my friend, just let it out and you may feel just a bit better after.
    if your angry then let that out too, its self destructive and not good, wish i could take my own advice but i turn mine towards myself, maybe one day.

    you are not alone buddy, i am here and i care

    be strong
  18. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    I'm trying...
  19. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i know its hard, just getting through the day seems impossible. having no one to see, talk to being all alone with your thoughts.

    i am going through it with you my friend, your pain and tears are mine.

    if you ever need to talk you know i will be here

    take care
  20. bhr

    bhr Well-Known Member

    All energy seems to have left me. I need to get myself to work. I need to try and stay busy, This weekend has done me little good...
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