I'm scared of dying but I have too

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by silent_chaos, Jul 15, 2011.

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  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I can't live like this, lost my insurance no way to get proper meds, dr has no more sample and can't get astra zenica cause I had insurance. Still Paying on insurance and don't even have it, thanks to the insurance person at work for not saying I didn't have enough hours now I have to 340 cause I used it, my wages are being garnished for medical bills racked up.and no they do not accept $20, that if I even had to give I don't have enough to pay all different 12 of them, ( I'm sorry that payment isn't enough to keep us from sending you to collections, we are not a bank and this isn't a loan.) I can't get county medical assistance cause I have a job that offers insurance and I have to take that insurance To top it off I possibly just lost my job cause I can't maintain or control my behavior and emotions. I hate myself, I can't do anything right. Not even kill myself, I'm so scared of myself, I get so upset I don't even know which way is up or down. I try so hard to be good, control myself keep. There is nothing for me or a place for me.
     
  2. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    what country are you living in? you need to go to the hospital or go and talk to someone. there is always a way around things. by the way you're sounding, it sounds like you need medication. i know, well duh. have you applied for disability? there must be someone who can help you. no you don't have to die either.
     
  3. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    Take a moment, relax. Things may seem bleak, but time has a way of working things out.
    Work and medications are important, but they can be replaced. They are just items. Look to your friends. Your family. No matter how loose the ties, try to repair them. If you put forth the effort to them, they will respond. Life is all about the relationships. Love the people that care about you. It's the most important thing.
     
  4. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I Live the good ol fucked up USA! I have no one to talk to I'm to intense for my friends and family to talk to! That's why I posted here. To reach out to some one for some advice. They dont do anything for you here if your in crisis, all they do is hold you for a few hourse and then have you sighn a promise not to hurt yourself. I don't think I can handle the intimidating process of disability. I have no one to help me stand up for myself, or remember the things I need when I'm suppose to.
     
  5. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    :hugtackles:
     
  6. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking if I start drinking now it won't affect me when they call and tell me I'm fired. I've been there almost 5 years with outbursts before with the last one being told it would be the last or I will be terminated. now cause I got sick( blood clots in lungs) I have lost insurance I don't have enough hours for insurance, thank you failing system from the bottom of my melting broken heart. For taking away my bipolar meds, it feels so freaked wonderful to have you back mania.
     
  7. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    you've got to have some strength to move forward. i learnt that nothing stays the same. do you think the hell you are going through is gonna stay forever or be temporary?
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jenn, Go back and apply for meicaid again.. Tell them you don't have insurance because you work under forty hours..Let them know your wages are being garnished to pay back from there mistake..Take proof of the garnishment with you..Tell them you have mental health issues and need your meds.. Take the bottles you have with you also..If they fire you at work then tell the insurance company to go fuck themselves.. I owe $800 for being in the hospital and $450 for the ambulance ride...I'm not paying them either..I don't know how many debts you have but you can always file bankruptcy...Being on disability isn't anything to be ashamed of.. You have been paying into it all your life..If you file they will probably turn you down.. Thats when you get an attourny who specialises in disability cases.. They won't charge you anything unless they win.. Disability will have to pay you back to day one when you signed up.. Your attourny will take his fee out of that back money..I hope this helped..
     
  9. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    My boss called I'm not fired but I have to maintain myself, he said it disrupts other people's work, but if you ask anyone there it does not affect there work what so ever. He said I do my Job efficiently, on time with no problem. And that he would have to have higher 2 people to do what i do With just me. That's the only reason I'm still there. And he can't do anything about my personal life (bipolar). Which I understand but when I'm frustrated with something I asked for help and my leader said its not his job and he didn't have to help, but he was helping me with something els and because I had the harder task he has a right to say he chooses the easier task. I think that would disrupt thing more them me quietly stormIng off to take a break from something. If the job I was doing was such a rush why the no help, my leader dosnt know teamwork what so ever. He comes over to my workstation all the time to ask if he can help cause he has no work to do, I always tell him no cause I can't stand him and he messes things up and didn't put things back or clean up after himself. so it makes him look good like he's helping me and makes me look bad like I need help all the time which isn't the case I get my stuff done without anyone's help.
     
  10. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    All the males at are work are in leader position, go figure and there not playing favorites. oh yea how come the owner let's the boys take a work day off and plays golf with him, and have drinks. And pays fir a part of it......
     
  11. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    And I'm suppose to go in there Monday morning and tell him how I'm not going to have any blowups. That's like telling a diabetic not to have diabetes. I can see if it was something I could have a control over... Drugs alcohol. What can I possibly say to this any ideas are greatly appreciated.
     
  12. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Stranger1- the only reason I don't get full time most of the time is because I can't face the day so I call in sick, and physical helth problems. I was doing so good for the longest time 9 or 10 months
     
  13. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    is your boss a middle aged dude hanging out with 20 somethings?
     
  14. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Yep!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  15. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    My wrk just called and is making me take 2 weeks off unpaid leave? Now I think it's a discrimination problem. What can o do where can I go.
     
  16. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Now I'm suppose to wait and watch as they come up with someway to sack me. This is bullshit but I guess my emotions have taken over and not see if I'm right or I have just completely lost it. I'm just tired of the work mentality bosses have they can treat you however they want, and tell you to be greatfull I have a job. I'm very greatfull I have a job I just have a problem of how I'm treated and you knowing you can and say whatever you want to treat people the wrong way, I hope you know karma sucks. I will see you in he'll I'm not putting up with this shit I don't deserve it. But I can't find a way out of it either. So fuck it, I hope the night brings me whatever the other side holds for me. But I don't believe in heaven or hell. So go fuck yourself and hope you get what's coming to you! I can't keep pushing myself to work twice as hard as a normal person. What is a normal person Simone who dosnt have to deal with emotional or mental stress and don't know how to handle it. Walk in my shoes busy try to controll racing thoughts, no sleep. And uncontrollable mood swings! Untill them fuck off and stop treating people the way you do with your high and mighty self, and grow up.
     
  17. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    i hope everything works out for you~! maybe its time for a career change. i've seen this type of thing before where a middle aged man hangs out with 20 something dudes. there might be some sexual things going on there.
     
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