I'm scared of myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Em1, Oct 7, 2010.

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  1. Em1

    Em1 Member

    So, i've cutt before.. and i've overdosed and i've jamp out of a window or even just annoyed the wrong people.

    That was before, i was way to nieve to actually see what that meant, i didn't relise i was actually living an okay life compared to others. And things got worse.. i held fast, eversice my last time at new years.. i've noticed i will wake from some kind of day dream in my own thoughts blade in my hands and shaking.. i actually long for the feeling of my own blood and the dizzy thrill. I wish i was so weak, that i really let my feelings take over, but now.. i have no fear of death.. if i died.. i have a feeling that it will be blissful.. i don't fear physical pain anymore.. and i long for it to release my inner pain. i was happy. or i thought i was i was cleaning and bouncing about the house then i just suddenly thought, i have a razor upstairs why not go try it? i wasn't sure why i thought that... i don't hear voices and i don't hulicinate and i'm not insane, but all this.. pain and fear for other people as well as love and not wanting to hurt those again. it really does get to me... everything is crushing down on my shoulders leaving me on the floor with such a feeling that i am forcing myself to draw blood. i'm not saying this for help... somone once told me that just saying what troubles you.. is a good enough step in it's self.. and i believe it. i've posted much more since that person said this to me.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HEy when those thoughts come again tell them to leave okay they are just that thought obessive thinking Tell them they have no power over you anymore and walk outside and do something away from where you were okay. take care of you and keep posting a thousand times if need be because it does help to get the thoughts to stop take care okay don't be ruled by them you take charge okay and tell these thoughts to just go.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yes posting helps tons. Or even, try writing a letter to yourself when the feeling hits. Write about how it seems to have so much power over you. But write how actually putting the thoughts on paper instead of acting on them is your own power over the thoughts. Put it somewhere safe. Everytime you feel the urge, take out that piece of paper and read it, then add on to it. Hun if you can do that each time instead of cutting, can you imagine the power you will have? Cuz for each time you write instead of cut, yu've won!!!

    And yes, please, come here whenever your head is trying to get away on you. Just being in a place where others understand your pain is empowering. :arms:
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