something really freaky happened to me the other night. i was in my room, feeling really bummed out and stuff like that. and then i wanted to cut... and it wasn't like other times when it was just that i wanted to. i really, really wanted to, and i was shaking. i was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and i was whimpering and i couldn't stop myself. i was hugging myself to stop the shaking and i was crying and i wanted to hurt myself so bad. and so i left a message for a friend to call me and i was going to try and wait till she called and hope that would make me feel better, but she never called back and i only waited lik 15 minutes or maybe 20 before i gave in.... but it really scared me, because i cut deeper than i ever cut before. and all the shaking and physical signs, it's like i'm addicted, which i probably am, but i never really thought of it that way before. it just scared me so badly, because i don't want to be like this anymore. but i don't know how to change it either.