i'm scared of myself

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fading_dreams, Sep 16, 2006.

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  1. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    something really freaky happened to me the other night. i was in my room, feeling really bummed out and stuff like that. and then i wanted to cut... and it wasn't like other times when it was just that i wanted to. i really, really wanted to, and i was shaking. i was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and i was whimpering and i couldn't stop myself. i was hugging myself to stop the shaking and i was crying and i wanted to hurt myself so bad. and so i left a message for a friend to call me and i was going to try and wait till she called and hope that would make me feel better, but she never called back and i only waited lik 15 minutes or maybe 20 before i gave in.... but it really scared me, because i cut deeper than i ever cut before. and all the shaking and physical signs, it's like i'm addicted, which i probably am, but i never really thought of it that way before. it just scared me so badly, because i don't want to be like this anymore. but i don't know how to change it either.
  2. SadDude

    SadDude Member

    i just read your post, but i have to get offline for a while at the moment. will reply soon.
  3. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    I imagine that must have been a pretty scary moment for you. I hope you are doing better now. It sounds like your a really good person with strong willpower. You were able to call a friend. And even though they never called back you waited for 20 minutes. You should be proud of your self for that. The addiction of cutting and the physical symptoms of crying and shaking are real and valid, but your will power is just as real. I hope that next time you'll try to concentrate on how strong your will power is. Stay safe and strong!
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