Hi. I'm new. [Presentation in the presentation forum] I don't really know what to say, because I have no idea how I feel. No, really, I don't. And when I don't know HOW I'm feeling, then that means I have no idea how to get rid of this. The only two options I come up with are to end it, or to run away. I feel like I am to scared to go through with either.. I believe I have a personality disorder, or at least a problem with finding myself. Who the fuck am I? If anyone have some good replies to that, PLEASE tell me. Because mainly that is the shit that is driving me crazy. I feel like a paranoid schizophreniac freak that no-one wants to really befriend. All though, I do have one or two people in my life that I love and trust, well, at least I think I do. But then again, who the hell knows? When you cant even trust your own head, how can you trust anyone standing on the outside? I refuse to let people in, so I put on this fucking mask and hide behind a wall of fake smiles and laughter. When I feel inside, that I would like to end it. I want to throw up all my guts and remove myself from anything good or bad. I just dont want to be here. And the feeling of that, drives me crazy. I'm not sure if I have any more tears left, so I cant heal myself by crying either. I know that I'm a good person, but It's like I have this evil-ass twin inside my head that makes me do the wrong things all the time. Something really bad has just happened in my life that has caused me to wrap my head around the thought about changing for the better, but my fear is that It's too late for that now. Everyone knows me for being a loser, an asshole, a shit stain on the ground. < This is my life currently, and this is my past. I am so damn tired. I just want to go. I really need to go. I know most parts of what I'm writing now probably wont even make sense to you. I just really hope someone on here understands what I mean, I need help, but I can't afford to get ''professional'' help. And I'm not even sure that it would be doing me any good. I have tried before, and I always seem to end up here. I just cant change my bad ways of living, and it breaks the crap out of me. Also, I feel like hell for not be good lookin', and I treat people like shit. I mess with people's heads, I've been called a psycho, and in a way, I kinda agree. Because I'm just that. I'm not a person. I'm neither good or evil, I'm just me. And even I don't fucking know what I am. So maybe they are right? Maybe I should end it. Maybe that would be the solution. I am scared. Who am I? Fuck it. I hope you enjoyed my shitty writing. - Chris.