I've thought about it before as I've been dealing with mental illness for a very long time. But I haven't thought about it the same way as I am now. I'm not scared of it anymore and that's frightening me. These thoughts used to be a response to very tough situations where I was driven by being upset. But it feels like everything has just chipped away from me and I really feel hopeless. It just really seems like the solution to everything. I'm holding back because I'm scared of what it would do to other people around me but at the same time, it just seems like the best thing for me to do and its scaring me how willing I am to do it now. It means I won't have to feel trapped anymore. I won't have trouble breathing anymore. I won't be sad anymore. I won't feel anxious anymore. It will all just go away.