I have never done this before. I've been depressed since as long as I can remember, 12 or 13 years old. I know that's not all that long, I used to work with kids who were depressed as young as 4 or 5 years old. But I have lately felt more and more scared in my surroundings and uneasy and sad about how my family treats me (I am early 20s, live at home with mum, dad, and sister, and in university).
Anyway, my story is long and stupid. The bottom line is that I've been depressed and scared for many years, my parents have told me that they will not allow me to get help from a therapist (they don't think I need it). I usually just injure myself, but my sister is buying a gun for protection that should be here at the end of the month. I have a plan in my mind for killing myself with this weapon when it is available. The only person I told about this was my boyfriend this afternoon. He cried but couldn't really tell me anything about why I ought to stay alive, and I'm running out of reasons in my own head. I don't know what else to say. I guess I just have never felt that mine is a life worth saving. That's probably true.
Anyway, my story is long and stupid. The bottom line is that I've been depressed and scared for many years, my parents have told me that they will not allow me to get help from a therapist (they don't think I need it). I usually just injure myself, but my sister is buying a gun for protection that should be here at the end of the month. I have a plan in my mind for killing myself with this weapon when it is available. The only person I told about this was my boyfriend this afternoon. He cried but couldn't really tell me anything about why I ought to stay alive, and I'm running out of reasons in my own head. I don't know what else to say. I guess I just have never felt that mine is a life worth saving. That's probably true.
