I'm scared

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Jun 7, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    All my symptoms started on the 1st of June. I have felt constantly sick and not slept well as a result. I can only eat small amounts and when I do I am feeling very sick. I'm shaking and pouring with sweat as I write this.

    I can hardly walk right now I'm so weak. I'm really really scared because I'm thinking it could be something serious. I just keep having pictures in my head of my dad dying from cancer and I'm sinking fast into another depression. I've been disasociating all day and my poor boyfriend's words have been falling on zoned out ears.

    I really should see the doctor, but by mental state can't cope with the fear and anxiety that goes with it. (I'm terrified of any medical professionals).

    I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, breaking point is coming fast.
     
  2. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    What exactly are you sick with and how are you treating your symptoms? Have you called a doctor?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have the EXACT same problem since last year(even the part about my dad dying from cancer, because he has CLL). I feel constanly sick all the time too, permanent nausea and sweating. Unfortunately I have tried many pills (xanax, valium, lexapro, bromazepam) to take this away, all the pills have failed to help it. My doctor told me that the nausea part is anxiety induced and there is no specific cure for it, only a combination of medication and therapy:rolleyes:

    Im really sorry you are feeling so badly right now, I wish there was something I could do to help, but I know how it feels to be there, frozen with anxiety and feeling really sick, for now I would suggest for you to try and get some rest , listen to some relaxation tapes if you have some, and drink some ice cold water , if you feel you can't do that you should call your doctor and tell her how you're feeling she will probably prescribe some sedatives to help you relax, I hop you feel better soon hun :arms:
     
  4. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    PMS. I've had it since I took the pill 3 years ago. I stopped taking it and was left with these symptoms before each of my periods. I've tried doctors but they only offered me more hormones.

    My dad died when I was 5. So all I'm really remembering is his illness and how I'm afraid I have something like it too =[
     
  5. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    That would explain why I didn't understand what you were talking about ><... definitely keep seeing doctors though, they're suggestion always varies. You can do research on what they offer you, it's bad to trust doctors blindly, but they're the ones to ask.
     
  6. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Yeah but all they do is refuse to investigate with any kind of test because I refuse the meds, it's a vicous circle. All I wanted them to do last time was a blood test to see if there was anything physicaly wrong with me. They would not because I refused to take Prozac because last time I was on it I had a bad reaction to it and went mental.

    They also offered me more hormone pills =/
     
  7. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    >< maybe you need doctors with brains? What did they say after you told them about your sensitivity to prozac?
     
  8. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    if doctors scare you.. try seeing a psychotherapist..
    and tell him/her what's going on in your life.(I did, it does help a little)

    It sounds like you need someone to be around and assure you everything is going to be alright..
    Maybe it could be a temporary panic attack and nothing more..

    Start with eating small meals every few hours and get plenty of sleep.

    I have experienced that fear, that anxiety many times.. and the more I pay attention to them, the bigger they get..

    To be honest.. I do not know how to get rid of that anxiety myself, but
    one thing I know for sure is you've got to keep positive thoughts in your mind
    NO MATTER WHAT.

    Thinkin' logically about problems, dissecting every little thing .. does no good. It blows everything out of proportion and goes nowhere.

    (speaking from my personal experience, I'm the kind of guy who 'over-analyzes' everything, gets scared to death about it, crawls into a little shell and ends up doing nothing)

    I think you need to somehow stop thinking about tracing your family medical history, whether you can hardly walk or not.

    And
    think about what meals you'd like to eat to work up your appetite
    make a list of friends/neighbors you can ask for medical help/advice
    what you really want to do over the summer once you become healthy again.

    Life is too short to have negative thoughts all the time.. whether they have any ounce of truth in them or not. Try to have positive thoughts.

    I used to have(still do but..) an extremely negative opinion about my body image. It totally crippled my life and that single thought almost killed me.
    Having negative thoughts just doesn't work.

    Do not think you're weak or you can't walk anymore. I haven't seen you in person but it is likely that the 'illness' you have may be more mental than anything else.


    [Hmmm.... I probably sound like I'm speaking gibberish and trying to be a 'problem-solver' type person.. or something.. maybe I shouldn't post here anymore..
    but my intentions are good.. I'm kind of like you in some ways as far as having intense fear and anxiety goes, and
    I really hope you'll overcome whatever that's in front of you.

    Once you get out of the state of panic and get your mindset right..
    you'll be alright no matter what happens.
     
  9. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    if doctors scare you.. try seeing a psychotherapist..
    and tell him/her what's going on in your life.(I did, it does help a little)

    It sounds like you need someone to be around and assure you everything is going to be alright..
    Maybe it could be a temporary panic attack and nothing more..

    Start with eating small meals every few hours and get plenty of sleep.

    I have experienced that fear, that anxiety many times.. and the more I pay attention to them, the bigger they get..

    To be honest.. I do not know how to get rid of that anxiety myself, but
    one thing I know for sure is you've got to keep positive thoughts in your mind
    NO MATTER WHAT.

    Thinkin' logically about problems, dissecting every little thing .. does no good. It blows everything out of proportion and goes nowhere.

    (speaking from my personal experience, I'm the kind of guy who 'over-analyzes' everything, gets scared to death about it, crawls into a little shell and ends up doing nothing)

    I think you need to somehow stop thinking about tracing your family medical history, whether you can hardly walk or not.

    And
    think about what meals you'd like to eat to work up your appetite
    make a list of friends/neighbors you can ask for medical help/advice
    what you really want to do over the summer once you become healthy again.

    Life is too short to have negative thoughts all the time.. whether they have any ounce of truth in them or not. Try to have positive thoughts.

    I used to have(still do but..) an extremely negative opinion about my body image. It totally crippled my life and that single thought almost killed me.
    Having negative thoughts just doesn't work.

    Do not think you're weak or you can't walk anymore. I haven't seen you in person but it is likely that the 'illness' you have may be more mental than anything else.


    Hmmm.... I probably sound like I'm speaking gibberish and trying to be a 'problem-solver' type person.. or something.. maybe I shouldn't post here anymore..
    but my intentions are good and I'm typing this with the hope that you'll overcome whatever that's in front of you.

    Once you get out of the state of panic and get your mindset right..
    you'll be alright no matter what happens.
     
  10. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    It's not that easy when your body has a serious chemical imbalence thats causing it. I am powerless against my hormones.
     
  11. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    My wife found a good female gynecologist, who was empathetic and did all she could to take care of my wife's problems. Perhaps you can do the same.
     
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to have your boyfriend to take you to the hospital. You sound like you need a combo of meds. I take prosac,geodon,cogentin,lamitcal, & remron. It takes time for your meds to work. Some of them take up to six weeks to start doing any good. The only way you are going to be able to get the right combo for yourself is to stay in the hospital. They will need you to do that so they can monitor the meds and find what is working and what is not. It sounds to me like you are in the middle of a crisis. Please take my advice and go to the hospital and tell them everything. They are there to help so reach out and take hold. Stay strong and give it a go.:chopper:
     
  13. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Dosen't happen like that in the UK, sorry. We are just sent home and then ether picked up by police wandering the streets or rushed back the hospital in an anbulance when things go wrong.
     
  14. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member


    Yes I think this would be good for me, the only problem is in this country your regular doctor needs to make a referal. They won't refer me because I refuse to take meds in the dark, not knowing what they will do to me or even what is wrong with me. With our NHS it really can be big fight to get past the GP surgery, and I don't have the strength to fight.
     
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well if nothing else go to the hospital and let them look at you and see if they can find out what is going on about you being ill. I know hospitals can be slow but i'm concered about your health.:chopper:
     
  16. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I don't know where your from, but it really does not work like that here. Even if I did go to the hospital I would be sent away, accused of being a time waster and told to see my GP. Back to square one. The hospitals here even send repeated suicide attempts home. Our NHS does not really care about the person, just profits & targets. I'm glad some of you live in places where this is not the case.

    The quality of healthcare also varies from postcode to postcode (zip code in the US), we are not people, we are just a line of letters and numbers. In my town the hospital has been on the front page for poor food, MRSA and throwing the bodies of stillborn children in the dumpster. Not the kind of place a paranoid & sick person like me belongs.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2008
  17. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    did you call the endometriosis helpline? why not give it a shot? they are not doctors, and almost everything you describe sounds like endometriosis. at best they will support you in finding a new doctor; at worst you can cross this possible diagnosis off the list.
     
  18. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    well that would not be whats causing me to think someone has cameras hidden everywhere watching me, cry all the time, disassociate or half the PMS symptoms I'm getting. There is also no way I could go through that operation needed to conferm it. I just could not. I'm losing more and more control each month as the pill side effects continue THREE YEARS after I stopped taking it. It all started then. I am so close to doing something bad it's unbeleivable.

    I had ONE good week this month with no symptoms at all, thats it, one measly week. I am ready to give up. I have even thought about going out in public when I'm about to collapse so I get taken to the hospital that way, or I just die getting hit by a truck or something, both would be great. There are standard treatments, Anti depressants and birth control pills, both of which almost landed me getting myself locked up. I react so differently and with such weird and extreme symptoms that they are not even seen as side effects of the given drug.

    I accept I am now at the mercy of my hormone cycles and sooner or later they will kill me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2008
  19. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    don't get so far ahead ... i'd just look at taking it one step at a time.
    if you call the helpline they will just chat with you on the phone. nobody said anything about surgery. let them explain what endometriosis is, and what some of the symptoms are, then at least you are more informed. there are loads of non invasive treatments available to you. but only you can make that call.

    it could be that you have a few things happening concurrently - what you describe about yr hormones and how ill you feel each month might be endo (or not); the feeling like there are cameras everywhere could be paranoia (and there are a bunch of conditions that cause that). since you experience them at the same time you are maybe looking for a single explanation when there isn't one.

    i have experience with the UK health system, as have many members here. use the community advice system to help you change your primary care physician, and a group like aware (or other mental health advocates) to provide you with an advocate who will lobby on your behalf. we all pay for healthcare out of our taxes; we all deserve a doctor who will work tirelessly on our behalf in order for us to feel better.

    please don't give up yet. yes, you are exhausted and i can only imagine how terrible you are feeling right now. but there are still some things you can try in order to feel better. why not stick around until you have given them a try. please?
     
  20. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I simply don't have the strength to do those things. I'm feeling sick after every meal and I'm simply too worn out to talk most of the time, I physicaly run out of energy. You probably feel like your wasting your time on me.

    If I did make any appointments I don't think I could survive the anxiety and panic attacks that go with me having anything to do with the medical profession. It's just too cold and impersonal. Having to go through this on top of feeling constantly sick and not sleeping would just about finish me. Then I'm on the dreaded mental health track, which is something nobody in my state wants or needs.
     
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