I'm scared...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Rukia, Aug 29, 2010.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    It's been some really bad days lately and now I'm so depressed that I'm feeling physically sick. Suicidal urges are so strong, if I move out of this sofa I might do something to hurt myself badly. I don't know why I'm writing this, but I'm really scared right now.

    I don't expect anyone to care because I know I'm not worth it, but I have to try to reach out. I don't have anyone to talk to now, I can't reach the only two people I talk to that know that it's this bad.
  2. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Hi Rukia.. Please do not be scared.. I know there are times when anything and everything seems scary & overwhelming but you do not have to do this alone...

    Share the load with us, with me, with anyone..Let us take the weight from your shoulders and ease the fear..

    I know that sea's separate us, but from across the miles I am sending you nothing but love & calming thoughts..

    Please, talk to me
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I don't know what else to say. On top of the depression and the suicidal urges I hear voices that is telling me to end it.
  4. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    The voices are not there, you know that don't you? I know they seem so damn real but they are not..Whatever they say do not act on them..
    I am finding this so hard without knowing any more about you and your situation..Are you alone right now? Is there anyone close by who you know & trust? Please do not give in hon..Do not listen to them..x
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I know they're not real, but they sure is convincing. I'm all alone, noone here knows how bad it is.
  6. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Hanne..Please call someone.Anyone..Just do not listen to the voices my love.

    I know how real they seem, sometimes I even catch myself turning around expecting to see someone whispering in my ear when there is nothing but thin air..But they are nothing but an illusion..

    Are you on meds hon?

    I am glad you acknowledge they are not real but please call someone..I cannot stay awake much longer as it has been over 100hrs now since I have slept and I doubt I will be able to rest unless I know that you are safe..

    Is there any one on SF you know & trust?
    Can someone else step up to the plate and help here as I am fading fast and I do not know how much longer I can stay awake..
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Yes, but it's not working the way it should anymore.
    I don't really know many people here on SF even though I've been here for almost 4 years. Guess I'm not worth knowing. :tongue:

    You should go get some sleep. I'll be fine. Thank you for wasting your time on talking to me
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to reach out to people in real world now okay to keep you safe. You need to call crisis line the hospital let them know the voices are back and telling you to harm yourself. Pick up the phone you must have crisis number by you for emergency right call it okay so you can get help to be safe People here care they do now please you care and get help for you call crisis now or emergancy now
  9. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Firstly, you are worth knowing..Just because you have been on SF for that long doesn't mean you are not worth knowing..
    Secondly, I do not waste my time so please do not say things like that..I need to know that you are safe..That you will reach out and call someone and tell them what you told me..That I can retire to my bed without tossing & turning in fear of what may be..

    Listen to me hon..You are not alone in this..Please, if not for yourself then for me..I need you to do this more than you could ever know
  10. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I can't call anyone. Both because I'm so scared of phones and because I don't want anyone to know.

    I don't think I will do anything. I promised someone that I'd get through the weekend without them and I usually keep my promises.
  11. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Then promise me that you will stay safe until the morning..I will check in then unless I cannot find sleep, in which case I will be back on in an hour or two..

    I know all this is scary & unworldly but you have proven that you know they are not real so just stay safe my love... If I finally do sleep then reach out to the others on SF until I am back..If I don't then I will sit with you through the night until this passes..

    Be strong hon..You are not alone..Someone out there is thinking of you. x
  12. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I promise.

    Thank you.
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    why don't you want the doctors to help you the nurses to help you They may just increase your medication so you feel better okay Noone judges you they will think you are brave tohave phone them to get help they are kind okay
    i hope you can be brave and call for help because you deserve to be stable and happy just know i care okay and wish you could do this for you okay:hugtackles:
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I hope you're okay Hanne. :hug:
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Really hope you're okay!! :hug:
  16. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I'm not really okay, but I'm still here.

    I have an appointment with my gp in a week and I'm going to ask him to get me an appointment with a psychiatrist. Hopefully they'll change my meds.
  17. 000000

    000000 Well-Known Member

    Don't say that because even though I have never met you or spoke to you before, I think you are worth knowing. I really hope your medication change helps you.
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