i'm scared

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lamentation, Mar 13, 2011.

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  1. lamentation

    lamentation Account Closed

    first of all; i'm new on this forum so if i do anything wrong i apologize before.

    i've been cutting since 1 and half year now. at first you couldn't really call it cutting, because there was no blood and such, but it got worse when time passed. now i'm cutting myself each day with the blade i got out of a throw-away-razor. it's not very big so the cuts are not that deep and won't bleed that long. they're not big also, just a lot of tiny cuts at once. but i've gotten afraid what will be next.. what will happen if these small cuts won't satisfy anymore?

    the reason i cut is because i'm very disappointed of myself. it's like i'm punishing myself for who i am. i think i'm a horrible person and i feel like i deserve it, but at the same time it's so relieving. but then again; this reason makes me afraid. if it was just stess or so, it could get less and maybe the urge to cut also, but i don't think i will ever feel better about myself.

    i don't dare to tell my mom, because i know it will hurt her and i'm scared of what she will do when she finds out. she saw some cuts, but didn't ask about it. i mainly cut on my upper legs so no one will see.

    also, i'm certain everyone will think i only want attention.

    what am i supposed to do now? i'm afraid of getting help and afraid of telling anyone. but i'm also afraid of the fact that it will get worse... i don't know what to do anymore...
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i understand why you cut but you yourself know it has to stop because it will only get worse. You can talk to your doctor confidentially and get some help okay or go to the school councilor who has to keep things quiet as well to get help but get some okay. You need some self esteem help and councilling can provide that to you hugs
  3. Miu

    Miu Well-Known Member

    You should stop this before you sink too deep into this shit, take it from me who have been cutting for 8 years. I'm addicted to this shit and feel like there is no turning back.
    You should maybe get a therapist so you can learn to express your feelings in a more healthy way, I don't wanna see you end up like me. Stay strong!
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