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I'm scaring myself.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by riz, Jan 9, 2008.

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  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    I live far away from my friends.
    I tend to make trips to see them.

    I often find myself alone on roads at night,
    and I've almost convinced myself to end it in an "accident."

    It has startled me how close I've gotten to hitting an oncoming car or semi-truck. I can even see myself going REALLY fast and just hitting a tree. It would hopefully be quick, but even if I live, it would be the farthest I've ever gone in an attempt.

    I think it might be how I go. And...it might end up being easier on my family. They wouldn't find me hanging in my room, or passed out on my floor from pills. They could pass it off as an accident. It could end up being easier on them that way.

    I just don't see myself living much longer. I'm unable to put the image in my head. I don't have a future. I can't live this way. I have to do something to end this before I go crazy.

    I'm sorry everyone if I sound dramatic, but it's starting to really dawn on me. This is the end.
  2. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Do you ever think positive things ? I have read some of your poetry, you are able to express yourself brilliantly!
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi riz. I know that things are pretty bad right now, but you might want to reconsider your method. A high speed car accident is a very painful way to die. You may not even die. You may end up paralyzed and in even more pain than when you started. Maybe you want to talk about what is bothering you?
  4. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: riz here for u hun :hug:
  5. Letzman

    Letzman Member


    I lost my best friend exactly that way. He tried to make it look like an accident so his family wouldn't know it was a suicide. We were able to figure it out and he suffered a horrible, painful, mangled death.

    I'm not a therapist or any kind of suicide hotline professional, so forgive me if I don't know what may be the right things to say here-

    But I will say please, Please, PLEASE don't do such a thing. Seek out help, get on a plane to Vegas, move to another city before you even consider doing anything like that.

    My friend was one of the greatest people on the planet and I loved him more than I can express. He was also isolated in a town far away from us (because of work) and fell into the trap you describe.

    GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT TOWN. Don't create a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    Whatever reasons you have for staying (job, money, marriage, whatever) aren't worth your life!

    Please Riz. I don't know who you are... but the mere thought of you contemplating the same thing that took my friend from me is making me cry as I write these very words. What you are thinking to do couldn't be more wrong.

    Do whatever you need to change your environment and start fresh somewhere.

  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I really like this satement, because it really rings true.
  7. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    I live far away from my friends too. Maybe you should move closer to them?
  8. riz

    riz Senior Member

    I want to thank you all for your responses. I'm dealing with a lot of things right now, most of which I can't even pin point. All I know is that I've been dealing with constant suicidal thoughts. It's all that I've managed to think about lately. No attempts recently, but it is never far from my mind.

    I'd like to respond to a few comments.

    Yes. I do. I've actually written quite a bit of positive poetry, but lately, that's been snuffed out. I've been finding myself in a sort of writer's block. Nothing happy seems to come out. Even though this sounds a little down, I'm still able to have fake fun with my friends. They can't even tell the difference.

    As true as this statement is, I've actually thought about that. Is there something wrong with me if I might be considering this as a better option than how I'm living now? I think I might need some help.....because even I can see that I'm not thinking in a healthy way for myself.

    This DOES ring true. The problems in my life are often temporary.

    The only problem I'm having is that the problems keep coming. I don't think I have the endurance to keep surviving. I'm starting to lose my desire to keep going. I'm starting to feel as if ending it all would be better than constant disappointment.

    I guess that's all I can say for now. Thank you for your caring responses. I'm really going to try to fix things. It's another rough patch....I'm just worried that this one will kill me.
  9. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    It's hard when your constantly on that downward slope :sad:
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