i'm seeing things!!!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by bella muerte, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    to get straight to the point then explain;
    last night i kept seeing friends/relatives that have died.
    i stayed up cos i wanted to watch the end of this programme,
    but i ended up staying up quite late..and i since i didn't take my sleeping pill
    i had no chance of falling asleep.
    i was watching a programme, and it made me cry for some reason
    and so that caused my mood to just hit rock bottom and i cut,
    stupidly i cut quite deep, it freaked me out...
    so i texted my best friend Megan, bear in my mind she died from accidental suicide i just feel better when i text her, even though she
    won't reply.
    but what happened next, i can't even describe how it made me feel
    i opened my eyes and all i saw was my friend who hanged herself hanging from the ceiling... i only just stopped myself from screaming.
    i can't go on saying the others thing i 'saw' i don't want to remember it at all
    it's making me cry just writing this but i need to get this out.
    god i don't know whats happening with me.. was it the loss of blood?
    was it exhaustion? or was my imagination punishing me for cutting?
    why i 'saw' them i don't think i'll ever know.
    i'm freaking out about tonight...
    i can't face it, what if it happens again?
    it might not, but i can't carry on if it happens again.
    i won't carry on living... i won't push myself to experince it again
    i wouldn't be able to cope with it.
    i'm sick of my life, and all the deaths that have occured...
    3 friends- accidental suicide,suicide,knocked down by bus
    grandad-heart attack
    2 uncles- 2004 tsunami,heart attack
    great auntie- dimensia

    the list goes on :cry: :cry:

    why can't i just die??
    why does it have to be so hard to just be unharmed,happy,free????

    :help: :blue: !!!!!!!
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm always here to help you out hun.
  3. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    last night it happened again!!!!!
    i just feel like stopping all life from me
    is this what its gonna be like every night???
    i just need to get away from it !