1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

i'm seeing things!!!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by bella muerte, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    to get straight to the point then explain;
    last night i kept seeing friends/relatives that have died.
    i stayed up cos i wanted to watch the end of this programme,
    but i ended up staying up quite late..and i since i didn't take my sleeping pill
    i had no chance of falling asleep.
    i was watching a programme, and it made me cry for some reason
    and so that caused my mood to just hit rock bottom and i cut,
    stupidly i cut quite deep, it freaked me out...
    so i texted my best friend Megan, bear in my mind she died from accidental suicide i just feel better when i text her, even though she
    won't reply.
    but what happened next, i can't even describe how it made me feel
    i opened my eyes and all i saw was my friend who hanged herself hanging from the ceiling... i only just stopped myself from screaming.
    i can't go on saying the others thing i 'saw' i don't want to remember it at all
    it's making me cry just writing this but i need to get this out.
    god i don't know whats happening with me.. was it the loss of blood?
    was it exhaustion? or was my imagination punishing me for cutting?
    why i 'saw' them i don't think i'll ever know.
    i'm freaking out about tonight...
    i can't face it, what if it happens again?
    it might not, but i can't carry on if it happens again.
    i won't carry on living... i won't push myself to experince it again
    i wouldn't be able to cope with it.
    i'm sick of my life, and all the deaths that have occured...
    3 friends- accidental suicide,suicide,knocked down by bus
    grandad-heart attack
    2 uncles- 2004 tsunami,heart attack
    great auntie- dimensia

    the list goes on :cry: :cry:

    why can't i just die??
    why does it have to be so hard to just be unharmed,happy,free????

    :help: :blue: !!!!!!!
     
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm always here to help you out hun.
     
  3. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    last night it happened again!!!!!
    i just feel like stopping all life from me
    is this what its gonna be like every night???
    i just need to get away from it !